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    91 days ago I tried to kill myself by taking all of the Ambien I had (120mg).

    As I was falling asleep I felt at peace thinking, thank God this fight is over – I can’t battle this addiction any longer.

    I woke up one hour later…..and I was mad. I went to the store and bought doughnuts thinking that I might still die when I fall asleep again, so I will eat a bunch of doughnuts now.

    I woke up again after sleeping a few hours…..then I was sad.

    I literally hit my knees and cried out to God (or that power out there – I don’t know who/what it is, so I was crying out blindly) – if you won’t let me die then PLEASE show me how to get clean and sober…..I did this for 2 days – constant crying and praying outloud like that (luckily I live alone).

    I didn’t see a white light or anything as dramatic as that, but I started feeling a shift inside me. I didn’t know what it was, so I just kept praying. I went to an AA meeting on day 5 of sobriety and haven’t stopped going.

    This is the first time in my life that I feel like maybe I have a purpose. I don’t know what it is, but I am excited to find out. The only way I will find my purpose is to stay sober and take direction. I can’t run the show anymore – I’m not very good at it.

    Anywho…..I feel like I am over a hump today. I DO NOT want to start counting my days over again and if I use/drink I get suicidal and best of all today I am so excited to find out who God intended me to be. Best Best of all, the more time I have then the more credibility I will have to be able to get through to another alcoholic/addict like me. :day6

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