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    Hello…lovely people!!!
    Well I have once again pulled myself out of the pitt of addiction ! I have 8 days off heroin today..
    You know it really made me realize something…How VERYCAREFUL I have to be letting people in my life..I have been going to meetings every day…BUT now I am faced once again with all the fears and feelings of being sober..
    I like this acronymn
    Of a

    I have managed by the grace of god to come up witha job at a convience store by my house…had to do a UA and wait for the background check to come back so I am hoping I will start by next week. I honestly could not handle much more of a job right now and definitely DO NOT want to ride that bus to work all winter!!! I know it is not much of a job…but to be honest I am lucky I am employable AT ALL anymore..
    Seems everytime I go back out I do SOMETHING else I never thought I would..
    You know all those “YETS”…things that haven’t happened to us..Amazes me that there is always a NEW AND DEEPER bottom to this addiction of mine…
    Started going to a new meeting right by the house here..
    I am trying to have some trust.
    I hate the feeling of not even trusting the ground to be under my feet some days!! Total lack of faith..
    So I still have a house..still have my kid..internet is going to be gone soon..but I will get it back up …
    Just would love to hear from eveybody..
    I just can’t go through this alone..
    love north


    north, we are all here for ya honey! you are here today, clean, what more can a person ask? you apply everything you have learned and you move forward……….i’m glad you are here, alive and safe, and hitting meetings. i’m sure others will come along shortly……….love ya:Val004:


    :Val004: (((((((((((((((North)))))))))))))))))


    Hi North. I can certainly relate to the “everythings real” thing.
    I resisted even the idea of getting clean let alone staying clean for awhile.
    One day this ~ long time clean~ NA dude came up to me -knowing I was scared -and said to me ” Hey man , none of us know if were going to be clean tomorrow and I know everything is in your face right now but remember one day at a time
    I knew I could trust this guy, he is a recovering heroin addict and had been thru hell.

    Try not to think of everything at once .. I know its hard not too at times but
    By the grace of God go you….and us too.



    Good luck on the job…
    Keep coming back!


    Sounds like your moving in the right direction!!

    Keep going, it gets better 🙂


    Hi Northbelle
    i know what you mean about having this job. It’s not rocket science and that is fine righ now because your brain is only functioning maybe 25% right now. The other 75% is trying to either get drugs or trying to make you sat away from them. I’m glad that you still have your house. So many people are homeless right now and winter is coming soon. The intenet was a luxury for me for a ling time…still is to be honest. Without this lifeline to you all here I don’t think that I would make it somedays. I have a really special friend on here and he gives me good advice, doesn’t judge me when I relapse, listens like he really wants to , and he is very much a gentleman! There are so amny wonderful people on here and you are one of them. i have read alot of your posts and you sure have been through it. Hang in there. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight…………Viki


    I am with you in spirit NB.


    Hey North. Real is scary, huh? I hated it at first. Some days it still sucks. Like when your kids are screaming and you have to face it sober? I guess that’s what we call real life. But then there’s those moments where you look at them sleeping and their faces are sweaty and their hair is curled on their cheek and you think “I could be missing this” It all evens out.

    I’m so glad you got a job. A while back you couldn’t even think about it.

    I’m just so glad to hear from you. You know how I feel about you. Meetings are what got me through the early days (even though I spent most of the time in the ladies room, lol) and I’ve made a lot of sober friends there. It sounds like you have too. Good. Stick with them; not the “friend” that offers you heroin. There’s so much good in you and I know you can shine.

    I’ve got to go wake the kids now, plus I’m getting so mushy I’m about to go into a diabetic coma.



    I’m fairly new to posting but have been following your story (and others’) for a while. I appreciate your struggle and admire you!

    I never did H but did shoot up other opiates. Crack was what brought me down and I had more than a year clean b4 I relapsed for 1 week, and now have over 6 months again.

    I just wanted to tell you about my uncle. I will be 46 Sunday and he has been an H addict for most of my life. He is also bipolar. This last time out of prison, he finally decided he’d had enough. He moved in with my grandmother (a true enabler, but I love her!!!) and hid from all of his “friends”. He got on meds for the bipolar (it was fairly severe) and applied for social security.

    Today, he is receiving social security and for the first time in MY life, he is paying my G’ma’s rent, buying groceries, etc. He got a lump sum and other than buying a computer, he gave my aunt (another uncle’s wife) the rest of the money to put aside for him.

    At 60-something years old, he finally GOT IT! My youngest uncle was also an H addict. He was 50 when he developed a perforated bowel (hole in the gut) and died from complications of Hepatitis because his blood wouldn’t clot.

    I am incredibly proud of my uncle. His daughter, my cousin, is a recovering crack addict (more than 5 years) and she truly amazes me because the things she saw as a child, no child should ever be exposed to.

    Recovery is hard, no doubt. But the very fact that you keep working at it shows how very much you want it. Hang in there, reach out to WHOEVER you need to, WHENEVER you need to. 12 Step National Meetings has helped me so much and there are a lot of people here who love you and are praying for you.

    Congrats on your job. I used to be a nurse making $40/hour. Now I wait tables on
    3rd shift for $3.13/hr plus tips. But you know what? I’ve met some wonderful people, I have fun at work, and so far I’ve been able to keep my head above water. I’ve also met people who are encouraging me to get my nursing license back and have offered to help me find a job when I do – who’d have thought waiting tables could be such a blessing.

    You are always in my prayers, and I, like others here, believe in you!!



    What a beautiful story, Amy! Thanks for sharing!

    {{North}} You just keep moving forward, OK? You CAN do this! You are a strong woman with so much life yet to live in front of you. Things can turn around at any moment but we have to keep getting up everyday, putting one foot in front of the other and trudging on!

    Be the best at whatever you do and do it with pride!

    From each little {or big!} mistake I make, I learn a little more about myself and what I do and do not want to be. I think that is the way it goes for most everyone all through their lives. One day you will look back on this time and feel empowered that you got through it!


    Hey North
    Delighted to hear your good news. Just be gentle on yourself and dont project beyond today…………… don’t even think of winter…………..just deal with the present…………. you have so much – even in spite of everything that has happened………. you have a roof over your head and food on the table………. what more does a body really need? Take care – and take care of your ever growing Chance who will soon turn into a young man!! It will be wonderful to watch and experience – and has to be done sober! LOL
    Nice n easy wins the race……………
    Thinking of you…….


    You are such an amazing person North. All the insightful inspired things you say here — I am glad you have your job and arent using so we get the benefit of reading your posts

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