- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.
- July 6, 2016 at 1:05 am#39712AnonymousInactive
It took 7 months and two tries but I feel like I finally got it out of my system. I don’t know, I just feel like I have nothing left to prove to my old alcoholic persona. Like Mr Hyde has left the building.
When I first quit back in December 2009, I was determined but the thought of drinking again never really left my mind. Like I was unwilling to kill off my alter ego just yet. When a small opening presented itself I jumped at the chance to give him one last hurrah. After two weeks of letting him back in my life, I realized with utter disgust how much I had come to loathe him. Now he had his teeth in my again and I could feel him gnawing at my conscience, telling how good he was and how good he could be for me. It was in this moment that I spat at him with all my moral fiber and haven’t looked back.
I just feel done, when I think of drinking instead of a fond memory I get disgusted that I still romanticize with it. I can’t ever go back without feeling dirty like I am sleeping with the enemy. Never again can I feel at peace with the idea. I know that relapse is still possible but the reminder of how disgusted I will be may prove to be the one thing that will keep me from ever picking up again.
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