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    Hi, I just signed up here. I’ve needed someone to talk to for months upon months now and I’ve been holding it in because I don’t feel like I can talk to the people around me without being judged. But the last couple of days I’ve been feeling almost suicidal and it scares me. I have a problem with pain killers, specifically oxycontin. I was even fired from my job in November of last year for stealing money to feed my addiction. And in the months since then I’ve been constantly close to eviction from the place that I stay in because I end up spending money on drugs when I actually have money. I’ve been through detox for maybe up to a week at a time so I’ve been through part of the Hell that is withdrawal and every time I just wind up getting high again because it sounds so good. I’m finally being evicted from my place and have 5 days to get out…and I just know that I’ll wind up buying more again and screwing myself over. I’m always so damn depressed that it’s hard to not think about getting high even though my addiction is nowhere what it used to be. I don’t get as physically sick anymore, but the mental part of it is killing me.

    I just really want to talk to someone that will understand how hard it is. I feel like a worthless human being at the moment…the fact that I stole from somebody is completely not the person I used to be and I hate it. I hate the fact that the only thing that might make me feel better in my mind is another pill.

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