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    Anonymous
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    Hi everyone,

    My first post here. Been lurking the forums a lot for the past two days. Trying to come to turns with my drinking problem. Things have just not been going well for me and alcohol is no longer fun. I am really connecting with the idea that moderation does not work for someone who has our problem. While I have occasionally had what I would call “a good week” which basically involves not getting completely trashed for a week I always return to my older patterns of extreme beer intake often for days on end (bender). I can’t brush things off as “I like to party” much anymore as there have now been some pretty negative consequences on my life. I recently lost my girlfriend of two years. While I do not believe alcohol was the sole reason it certainly played a large roll in us going our separate ways. All those nights I decided to get tanked instead of soberly connect with her added up, the stupid things I said, the morning where we could have had a nice breakfast together or whatever but I was too hungover to want to leave our home, etc. It hurts because I think about how things would have been different had I been sober and acting “myself”. If we split and I knew I had my head together throughout the relationship I feel there would be a lot less “what ifs”.

    I am trying to make a plan of action for my sobriety. I want to start hitting meetings mainly in the hopes of meeting some like minded sober individuals. I recognize that I can no longer control or moderate my drinking. In some sense I can but it is not for very long. This false sense of the ability to moderate (because I can occasionally can pull off this feat) has been what has kept me from getting totally sober. Through reading here I am realizing more and more about my condition and the fact that I am not an exception.

    It is also worth pointing out that throughout my life some of the coolest people I have met were recovered. Not just people who were normal drinkers but people who have been through this and came out on top. I think there is a lot of wisdom in that and this whole process. I now am ready to be one of those people and lead the life I want to live. I am still relatively young (25 going on 26 next month) and feel like I have a lot ahead of me. Things looks bright when I picture a sober future but pretty bleak and hopeless if I do not make a change here. What I have been doing for the last few years, specifically this last year has not been working. Ready to try something new. Thanks.

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