- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.
- April 4, 2015 at 5:53 am#36167AnonymousInactive
I currently drink between 5-8 drinks a night, sometimes more, and I did cocaine 3-5 times a week for the past 2 years but I’ve really done pretty well staying away from drugs recently… but here’s why I think I am where I am:
I was assaulted a while ago, and the people involved were never arrested, despite me identifying the main attacker in a lineup. It constantly weighs on me and makes me feel guilty like I did something wrong.
I was physically and emotionally abused when I was younger by my mom and I’m still pissed.
I have felt extremely depressed and lost for a long time now.
I know I need help. I should go to AA right? That’s what I’m sure everyone thinks, but here’s where it gets very complicated. The one person that has let me down more than anyone, ANYONE, is my mother and she is a recovering alcoholic and has been very active in AA and for the past 10 years.
She talks about her sobriety in a very condescending way, talking down about anyone who drinks even a sip of alcohol, whether or not they really have a problem. She acts self righteous and it’s totally abhorrent. I appreciate that she’s stopped drinking, but I still think she’s a phony. Not everyone who works the program is a good person, and just because you get sober, it doesn’t erase what you’ve done to people, especially when you’ve never apologized. And that’s one of the “steps”??? Nope, never made any type of amends to me.
I just think of AA in such a negative light because I equate it with her. All her friends are in it in and she’s so active in the AA community, and I feel like it’s all based on her lies and deceit.
I just want some help and feel like she’s again stolen something from me. So I need something else… But where do I turn? Private therapy? What other options do I have? I can’t go to AA.
I feel lost and cheated.
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