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    I’m 41 I know better, nothing good ever comes from drinking. I have wanted to quit for years and years so many failed attempts. It has held me back from so many things I wanted to achieve. It has turned me into a recluse that pushed everybody that cared about me away.
    Last night I blacked out, I drove somewhere and do not even remember it. I never drive while drunk but this time I did but I didnt even know i did or was doing it. I couldve killed somebody. This has scared the **** out of me. ITS GOTTEN BAD.
    I quit last year for 90days and felt so good i never thought I would go back but I did. I’ve been beating myself up for it ever since then and I have been telling myself that i can do it again but never do.

    I signed myself up for and Intensive adult outpatient program this morning. Our insurance covers it so I did it. I have never gone to this extreme. I would love to go to an inpatient deal but i cannot afford to be out of work money is tight and I need to pay the bills.

    I had to do something because it has to end. Im not a bad person, Im actually a really good person with a really bad alcohol problem. I do not want to be this way anymore or waste anymore of my life. I dont even know who I am right now.

    I just want these dark feelings to leave me alone and to feel normal again, its got to get better it has got to be different. Please tell me it gets nbetter.

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