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  • #37588

    I am going crazy but I just keep thinking ‘just for today’. I am thirteen days clean today and I am having a hard time because some things came up, put stress on me and stress is a trigger. So, I have been fighting with this powerful voice in my head today that tells me to go and use. I’ve been telling that voice to go away, I prayed, I’ve almost cried and I am just a mess.

    I haven’t had a day like this since I left detox. It has been hard but I jumped on here read everyone elses post for the day and calmed myself down a bit. I don’t want to use, I don’t have the desire to use but that little voice in my head made me start to crave. How crazy is this, I mean, I know it’s normal but I am new to this. I always thought I was such a strong person and I’m really not. I am so powerless and that is something hard for me to grip because I was always such a control freak. I have let go of that control and honestly have felt so much better because honestly we can’t control anything, no one can no matter how hard we try. And trying always drove me crazy.

    I am proud of my days sober, it has been a hard road that I am not willing to give up just because I got some stress. I am standing my ground and not giving in. I need to worry about staying sober just for today.

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