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    im not even sure this is where i should post this here, so i just picked this one… i am not a “new comer” i have been “sober” from alcohol now for 18 months. which is HUGE for me…last week i stole some pills from my father in law, oxycodone, and i took……5. at once……i know thats alot, but oh it gets worse….after about an hour and half, i felt nothing, so i took 3 more.
    here’s the kicker… i felt NOTHING…isnt oxycodone vicodin? i am on ritalin because I truly do have ADD, so maybe that counteracted it??? or maybe psychologically my body just kind of rejected it, knowing it was wrong??
    anyway, ive been going through something mentally that i dont know how to handle…i am 37 yrs old, and all of my life there has been some kind of “chaos” since i ahve been 14, i started drinking, smoking weed, and got my first boyfriend and we were very on and off, alot of fighting, etc…we broke up when i was 18, and i immediately got a new boyfriend, and we got married 5 days before i was 20…then for the next few years, i started stealing alot., which was exciting to me then i started partying alot … to the point where my marriage failed because he just wasnt into it, he was a homebody, and bored me to death.
    so we got a divorce, and i moved out of town and REALLY started partying,… like a rockstar … so then it was ON. i then met my best friends brother, .. constant party… we broke up for a few months, and then he came to me and said he wanted to get back together, and so that night, we impulsively took off to Reno, and got married…, and we still partied like crazy together… but then he began using meth way more that recreational, and that has never really done anything for me,allthough i did it a few times, he was out of control…so he went into jail for a while, then into a rehab program, when he got out, he promised me that he was DONE with all the partying and i agreed, no more alcohol, or weed, and we were going to really straighten up our life, i was all for it, … for a couple months, and i just didnt realize that i wouldnt be able to keep my promise, I began partying behind his back, he works nights and i would stay up all night alot of times, had an affair, and it got really out of hand… well my husband found out about all of this, and did stay with me if i promised to go to rehab…so i did, but it didnt work for me, so i had to go again exactly 1 yr later…that was in March that i came home, and i havent touched a drop of alcohol since, I have on 2 occasions taken the pills, but now, my husband is wonderful to me, i have 3 beautiful kids, and everything is just about perfect in my life… here is my problem,… for the last month or so, i have been mean…just plain mean to everyone around me, very anxious feeling, just plain BORED to be quite honest, i have even thought about asking a close friend of mine to get me some dope ( i dont know why, it doesnt even do much for me) but it would be something “exciteing, sneaky” if you will… i have allways been a thrill seeker, but goodness gracious, as I said, i am allmost 40 years old, and this kind of behaviour is teenager behaviour i feel… i dont know how to live this way, without something exciteing going on…
    I would really love some understanding and advise on this, i am at my witts end
    if anyone has any advice i would so greatly apprecieate it

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