- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.
- May 9, 2016 at 11:14 pm#39246AnonymousInactive
after a miserable week where i drank excessively for 5 days in a row, all attributable to drinking holidays, nba playoff basketball, people leaving at work, and, of course, most significantly, my weak will, i have decided to make another “go” of it and not drink until memorial day weekend.
that’ll give me 20 days of sobriety.
i feel pretty miserable from the drinking. i have that blah feeling, and border line “i’m getting a cold” feeling in the back of my throat, and a mild pain in my lower abdomin. i’ve been lethargic all day. i woke up at 11 and didn’t get out of bed until 12. i haven’t had any panic attacks yet which is unusual, but good.
the alarming thing is that on this binge, i’ve been showing up a couple hours late to work. that’s not uncommon, and i get a pass for it, but usually it’s because of terrible insomnia that i have flexible hours. it’s rarely because of a hangover or some other event. i think this week was different because my boss is out indefinitely, so i’m basically unaccountable at work. my boss will probably be out through memorial day, so if i have any hope of getting work done at work, i’ll have to knock it off.
today is day 1 and i’m doing well. i have no doubt that today i will be successful. actually the next few days are going to be fairly easy because i am relatively broke from my latest binge. but when payday comes around at the end of the week, that’s when the challenge will start.
also i want to use this opportunity to try to lose as much weight as possible before the memorial day weekend, and drinking very much goes against this.
over memorial day, i will be on vacation with my family, and i feel as though i have to drink. all of my vacations since i’ve been an adult have been focused on heavy drinking. it’s very sick, actually – i specifically choose to stay in the downtown areas of large cities with developed public transit, so i don’t have to worry about a car.
a typical vacation day usually start with me waking up with a massive hangover and going to the bathroom to throw up. then i head down to the hotel bar and get a couple of drinks as an “eye opener” before leaving for breakfast (if the hotel bar isn’t open yet, i usually get upset and ask someone for the closest open bar). when i say breakfast i’m usually talking about 1:00 or 2:00 pm at this point. the rest of the day is exploring the city, by bus, train, light rail, or whatever the case may be, stopping periodically when i see a bar, patronizing it for an hour or two, chatting with the people, chatting with the bartender, playing music on their jukebox, etc. and then get back on the transit and move on.
i rarely do “vacation stuff” on my vacations, like go to museums or see a show or something. although when i’m in california i do love to go to the beach as much as possible.
vacations are the only time when i drink literally all day. i’m never “that bad” when i have a work schedule or on the weekends.
anyway on the memorial day vacation i plan on only drinking after a certain time, like after 8:00 pm. i know people are going to ask why i don’t drink on the vacation, especially if i have 20 days of momentum, and that’s a fair point. but my whole family will be there, and i don’t see my dad too often and i know he’ll want to go to a bar. honestly i see it if i can keep my drinking “under control” that it will be a success. i think this is a reasonably realistic goal, since i don’t drink during the days when i’m not on vacation, i can control myself and not drink during the day on vacation. it’s just that i give myself a “pass” on vacation that my day drinking becomes a problem.
when i come home from vacation, i have a recovery plan. it’s rather unorthodox, and i’m not keen on sharing it because i do not think it will be accepted and i think people will try to talk me out of it. however i am set on going through with my plan, and for better or worse, i’ll post the results here.
sorry for rambling. thanks for reading
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.