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    My story is quite complex. Developing from an early age of 5 I had alot of struggles very early on. I was medicated from that age until 18. Giving rise to my addiction, feeling that there was no other way to turn except a substance to get me by. I am now 33.

    Many many traumatic events later I have been sober since 8-6-09.

    I did not do the steps. I did go through a 2yr IOP Dual diagnosis program. I have since graduated and still attend bi-weekly 1on1 sessions through choice.

    I start this thread to help me brainstorm issues revolving around Shamanism and the relationship with the use of Psychoactive substances. I am reading lots of material and feel that if under direction and much learning I too may ready myself for the “journey.” Completely as a spiritual experience.

    I understand that what I am suggesting from an addicts perspective is just,
    WHY? I truly am perplexed. But I have felt a way that I cannot describe for a long time. The only place I have ever found any kind of possibilty of answers. Is through Shamanism. I don’t want to feel disconnected anymore. I want to feel the way I am supposed to. I want my enjoyment of things back. I feel that part of me is gone, like it ran away to hide somewhere. Shamanism explainse these effects on the soul and how your soul fragments. These traumatized parts of your soul run and hide to be safe from being hurt again. Shamanism explains bringing these parts of my soul back. I makes me cry to think about it, really. I have always felt a relationship/electricity that connects everything as if we were one gigantic organism.

    Unlocking these mysteries within myself is a very compelling argument in favor of the practicings of Shamanism.

    I have always been around christianity in one form or another. But I have not been able to achieve the connection presented to me. Please don’t fill my thread with “just pray”, “go to church”, “go to meetings”. These are a paramount 3 to please not go to. These complex things are things that I am trying to work out within myself. Only when I am able to find what will heal that hiding part of me, will I be able to interact with others on a community journey such as meetings or church.

    All help, much appreciated.


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