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- July 21, 2016 at 6:24 am#39815
Hello everyone. I will get right to the point and introduce myself as a 36 year old male that has been using hydrocodone(lortabs) for about 3-4 years. I was using about 20-30 mgs a day for all of it except the last 4 months or so it has jumped to 40-50 mgs a day. I was introduced to them when my doctor put me on them for a minor injury, and haven’t been able to shake them since.
I am a unfortunately without insurance, there is no detox/rehab in my area, I am a fulltime college student, and unemployed. I have very little family support, and tend to do alot of isolating(have few friends, and those I have are also pill users).
I have tried to quit before, and failed. I never can make it past even a day without severe anxiety/depression. I tend to feel the cravings, skin crawling, etc with the anxiety and find some more to take. I have been getting them from “girlfriends” or off the street. I went to the same doctor who introduced me to them, and he did a month taper with me. I failed at that goal. I went back to him to ask for any other(non lortab/taper) help. He basically told me he didnt think I could beat this without rehab. I told him I have no insurance, and he agreed this area has no detox/rehab for uninsured. So it was like hitting a wall. He is no longer my doctor.
I am so sick of this. Sick of worrying about getting them, having enough, having them during tests(school) or if I need to go out of town, etc. I just want to get off of them. I currently take 40-50 mgs, but I dont get much of a buzz. I just mostly dont get sick, maintain. However, its enough to make me powerless and weak against the lortabs.
I know the symptoms to expect, and I know it will be VERY tough. I already take Lexapro for severe depression, and am prone to suicidal thoughts/anxiety. So I am very worried and somewhat psyched out about being successful in this goal of getting clean. I am here asking, begging for some guidance or help.
I know I can somewhat treat the symptoms of withdrawal, but am worried sick about the mental stages.
So (im sorry this has been so longwinded) Im here wondering what advice ex-users, experts, or whoever has to offer. I have an idea to try to cold turkey stop Thursday. I would hope to be at least functional by the following Monday. I have Exams Tuesday-Thursday(next week). So missing school is not an option. I want to be successful in this, and dont want to wreck my school semester. Is there any OTC medicines or advice anyone can offer?
Im scared to death. Mostly scared of failing at quitting, screwing up school, and even doing something drastic(suicide) during the withdrawal. I am also confused whether my habit/usage levels will be severe enough to be harmful to my health. Should I go to a brand new doctor and just tell him Im withdrawing? Does someone with medical expertise need to know in case I pass out, seizure, or worse? Since Im without a doctor or insurance, Im very confused. I called the mental health center here locally, and they DO NOT offer Detox or rehab. Just counseling. Im ok and willing, but I know I have to quit the drug too. Thats where Im worried. Ive done everything that I can think of to do, and am lost. Ive told my parents, and they just think I should “just quit or stop”. Even after I explained and asked them to research it, they just dont believe it has this kind of control.
Can someone please help me?
I dont want this to get worse, yet I dont want to die from the withdrawals by sickness or my own depressed hands during withdrawals.
Thank you if you read this, and thank you in advance for any help, positive thoughts/prayers, or any guidance out there.
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