- This topic has 24 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 27, 2013 at 9:14 pm#164086AnonymousInactive
Welcome to our 12 Step National Meetings Alcoholism ForumSeptember 27, 2013 at 9:17 pm#164095AnonymousInactive
i think you already know the answer to your question.
best of everything to you, darlin, and remember……we are all human. and aa is one of the most human groups i’ve ever known. they are sure to understand and still love you
congrats on the 6 months!!!!! that is just awesome!!!!September 27, 2013 at 9:44 pm#164100AnonymousInactive
This is a huge post!!! And fenian man, I’ve been exactly where you were at. I had 7 years and was completely out of AA when I took the first drink again. I would go through periods of slip for one day, not drink for 6 months slip one afternoon, not drink for a couple of months. I did this for awhile until one day the two beers I was drinking on my way home just wasn’t enough and I vowed right then and there to drink like I wanted to drink. That eventually brought me to my knees. When I finally stopped, I still couldn’t swallow my pride and come back to AA. I had to be beaten into submission by a dry drunk as well. here’s the thing….the BB tells us that we soon cannot tell the true from the false in The Doctor’s Opinion. When I came back in my mind wanted to count time in between slips and add them to the initial 7 years. How insane is that? Well, it’s pretty darn insane. In any event, when I sat down with my sponsor and did a thorough first step, I laid it all on the table. Initially I wanted to do damage control, but I got the sense this may be my last shot at real recovery. He told me that the dry drunk was gonna kill me. So what we decided to do was to reset my sobriety date to when I came back into AA. While my last drink was on 2/6/05….my sobriety date is 3/26/07 and I picked up a 6 month chip last night. The past 6 months have been thew AA way, and my life is finally changing. Honesty is what we have to start with. This disease can play the games better than we can.September 27, 2013 at 9:49 pm#164087AnonymousInactive
🙂 Here is another thread on DOS and liesSeptember 27, 2013 at 11:04 pm#164092AnonymousInactive
after I relasped. I had a bit of that insanity going.
It ate me up inside. Nobody knew that i relapsed….but i did.
that’s the insanity of alcoholims ya know…like they say
“you’re about as sick as your secrets”…and there you go,
now you have a general idea of what that is.
i felt so much better that i came clean. i felt the wieght lifted off
of my shoulders. I also felt like I didn’t have to hide anymore.
I felt…you know FREE !!!
I hope you don’t miss out on it.
I also learned about courage, trusting in that process.
and you know what? everbody came over and gave me a hug
and celebrated my recovery with me anyways…with or without the cake.September 28, 2013 at 1:53 am#164090AnonymousInactive
allrone, happy to see you spilli’n the beans here…
we drunk over lies, and lies that sooner or later we can think are true…
the twisted alcoholic mind…
have you recieved one of the sobriety coins?
if you have, look on the back of it…
“to thine own self be true”
all good wishes allrone
xxoo, rzSeptember 28, 2013 at 2:03 am#164089AnonymousInactive
This was an awesome post! I was sharing on this last night on the newcomers forum. I started out with a sobriety date of 7/6/04, lasted 4 days then drank so changed it to 7/10/04. For the next 28 days I went to meetings, started to bond with members and wanted so desperately what they had to offer. Then I would go home and drink. I felt guilty as all get out and when they read in How It Works about being “consitutionally incapable of being honest” I would squirm. I just knew that was me they were talking about. I also knew that AA was my last hope and that I desperately wanted to be free. This continued for 28 days. It started getting close to the one month mark and people were congratulating me on almost having a month. I was terrified and I was sick inside. I knew there was no way I could pick up a bogus chip but I was terrified of revealing the truth.
On August 8 we had a day of fellowship out by the river. I had drank the night before and as we sat outside playing cards, listening to music and having fun I went through my daily shakes and misery. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. If I was going to do this thing, really do it, then I had to do it NOW. I went to a meeting that night, fessed up, picked up another desire chip and started fresh.
You are not the first nor the last to lie about this. I know for me once I got past the fear of fessing up and actually walked through it, it was nothing like I had thought. People did not shun me or walk away from me. I suspect anyone who truly cares about you wouldn’t either, especially if they are in recovery. 6 months sober is nothing to sneeze at, it’s not easy to do.
Only you can decide if you want to be honest and clear the slate and gain peace or perpetuate the lie and risk drinking again. For me there is nothing worth risking picking up another drink over. For me, to drink truly is to die. If I have to do uncomfortable things and take risks in order to live then so be it.
If you are a praying person, search your heart and pray for the next right action. Maybe talk to your sponsor first and see what feedback they can offer regarding how (not if, but how) you share this with your BF.
Keep posting here, draw strength and support from us and do what you know to be right.
Kellye C.September 28, 2013 at 2:59 am#164093AnonymousInactive
You cannot heal what you won’t reveal!
I think deep down inside you really know the answer to your dilemma.
Just do the next, right thing.
Good luck with your continued sobriety!September 28, 2013 at 4:07 am#164106AnonymousInactive
First of all you only need to worry about what you think.Your boyfriend starting seeing you when you had 3 months.If he doesnt understand and doesnt want to see you that would be no great loss.He doesnt impress me.Starting a relationship with you didnt help you at all.I would confide in my sponsor.You arent the first one who has faced this.Do what you know is right.Good luckSeptember 28, 2013 at 5:35 am#164094AnonymousInactive
in my experience –
honesty … is only scary … when you’er NOT doing it.
But that’s why we drink.
I tell it this way –
remember when you were a little kid playing in the pool?
And you’d try to hold a ball under water?
remember how that took paying attention to keep it under water and the effort it took?
that’s a lie.
holding a ball (truth) underwater.
So we tell a lie.
now we have to tell another, either smaller or bigger –
to hide the first one.
(now there’s TWO balls)
so now somebody says – hey, what you got there?
now you got to tell another one to distract from the other two
Now – fighting all those balls –
we just got to have a drink to let things ‘go’ for a while.
Get our minds off the stress of hiding all those balls under water.
that’s exactly where it comes from.
the need to drink.
just gotta let the balls go for a while.
I don’t WANT to go through that again.
So I am willing to do whatever it takes to try not to.
When I came back into the rooms of AA – I wanted to be real.
Lying isn’t real.
no matter what anyone says to justify it.
Nothing religious about it.
It’s just .. not real.
Best thing to do is let the balls go …
and go find a good game of corner tag.
And SoberDad is absolutely right – you’re not the first one to face this.
you can do it.
It’s obviously bothering you, and you obviously want to do the right thing.
The ‘right thing’ only looks hard … when you’re NOT doing it.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.