Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 64 total)
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  • #27742
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,

    I have been reading the Life After Methadone thread and it has really helped me. Thanks to lbadeker for sharing her experience. πŸ™‚

    I, too, am a heroin/methadone addict. I take methadone on the days that I don’t have H. I have not gone a single day in 5 months without any opiates in my system. My boyfriend has been an addict for over 10 years and through him I began using 5 months ago. πŸ™

    Tomorrow I am being evaluated for an outpatient program. I want to kick both of these substances once and for all. I want out of this life. It is debilitating. I never realized how much I would miss the simplicity of life and being clean. I want it so bad I cry sometimes.

    I don’t know what to expect when I go tomorrow and I am terrified of my first day without any opiates. πŸ™ I got myself down on methadone from 30 to 15mgs and I have leveled out on this dose.

    Any words of encouragement/support would be great right about now. I am so worried…but I know that I need to do this.

    Any experiences you could share would be great as well! Thank you so much!

    Lost

    #107229
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I ain’t that hard to quit. Making the decision to quit is he most difficult. If inpatient is an option then go inpatient. Too many temptations with outpatient.

    #107284
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Lost, windy is right its easyer in an inpatient detox …!

    Your only 5mnths into your habit…!?! Do what ever it takes to get yourself CLEAN, as the benefits are sooo worht it…!
    if you dont …you could lose more than you can ever imagine…!

    I was on methadone for many years too many to remember…! I lost the my back teeth to prove it…! bummer…!

    GoodLuck at the clinic, i do hope all works out for you…!

    Dont be scared of Recovery, it holds lots of wonders …
    I never thought i would be ale to sit and work a puter so…! We totally understand were you are …!

    Get to the Dr n get yourself stable, on the methadone…NO USEING on top…! meeting .meeting meetings…!
    and you stand a good chance of sucssess…!

    My Best Wishes go with you …:Val004:

    #107250
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Lost,

    I too kicked methadone/heroin. There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that methadone is a long acting synthetic opiate so the kick from it is much worse that if you were just trying to get off a regular opiate.

    The good news however is that you are on a pretty mild dose, the detox is not gonna be fun to say the least, but it will be bearable.

    I cold turkey’d off of 120mg/day of methadone and it felt like I was dying…..but I made it through it and now I have been clean for the last 18 months, it is possible and you can do it.

    Have you ever been to NA? It’s the reason I’m still clean today.

    Good luck, I’m rooting for ya.
    Blake

    #107285
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Blake you came off c/t at 120mls… WoW thats got to hurt …!

    Thats the highest dose i was ever given…I applaued you for you achivement, detrmination…!

    As Blake said Methadone can be a hell all of its own… go in to it with open eyes…!

    But methadone got me into trying to get clean…! NOT getting clean…!
    from heroin to methadone is quite normal if you really want to recover…!

    But heed Blakes warning…!
    BE INFORMED as the Drs wont tell you…!

    #107265
    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Blake wrote:
    Lost,

    I too kicked methadone/heroin. There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that methadone is a long acting synthetic opiate so the kick from it is much worse that if you were just trying to get off a regular opiate.

    The good news however is that you are on a pretty mild dose, the detox is not gonna be fun to say the least, but it will be bearable.

    I cold turkey’d off of 120mg/day of methadone and it felt like I was dying…..but I made it through it and now I have been clean for the last 18 months, it is possible and you can do it.

    Have you ever been to NA? It’s the reason I’m still clean today.

    Good luck, I’m rooting for ya.
    Blake

    Hi Blake,

    Thanks for posting. Congratulations on your 18 months! I’ve actually been to your site/blog and it has helped me quite a bit.

    I am really scared of doing this because I have no idea how I am going to feel. I have heard that methadone is harder to kick than H. I don’t want to be on that at all. I take that on days that I do H also. I know that isn’t good. πŸ™

    Question, I have a 9 – 5 corporate job and I am worried about missing work. I have already missed enough due to this disease. Should I schedule some vacation time (HA – vacation – how ironic huh?) for my withdrawal?

    I want to go to a meeting actually but my boyfriend isn’t so eager. He refuses to go with me. He is also getting H tonight since he is doing this with me tomorrow and wants to get loaded one last time. Great. πŸ™ I know he is going to make this difficult but I have to do this for me. It’s the most important thing I have ever done.

    I guess I can go to meetings alone. I wish he would do this with me.

    #107251
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks lost….I thought that was you that left a comment on one of my posts a while back…

    Anyway, a good estimation of how you will feel will be similar to a bad case of the flu, methadone detox is not much different than heroin detox, it just lasts longer.

    I have a 9-5 job and I started my detox on a wednessday and was able to get back to the office the next friday (I was able to go to work, but I still felt bad, but it was doable). I had the good fortune of my boss knowing that I was detoxing so he was somewhat leniant on me and when I did make it back to the office, he let me work 3/4 days instead of full days….but my boss also happens to be my father.

    If your boyfriend isn’t willing to go to meetings with you (and you trying to force him to go will do more harm than good, trust me), go by yourself…there will be plenty of support there for you. And if he isn’t willing to get and stay clean, you are going to have to dump him if you truly want off the dope. Early recovery is a confusing and difficult time just worrying about yourself, much less trying to make sure both you AND your boyfriend are staying on track.

    Take care of you first and foremost, keep your recovery first in your life and you will make it….you just have to be willing to do what ever it takes to stay clean WHATEVER IT TAKES….

    Good luck girlie,
    Blake

    #107230
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Best go inpatient if possible. Having a junkie around the house when you’re trying to kick ain’t gonna be easy. To hell with work…you are talking about your life. Work can wait.

    #107261
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hi lost northbelle..longtime heroin methadone user here….I can sense how much you want to quit from your post. I remember that feeling too of being so afraid to stop the methadone…this is just how it has been for ME and I am sure many others are maybe stronger than I . But I could never in my wildest dreams get clean around anyone using, The pain and cravings were just way bigger than I was . Today I do not have ANYONE in my life that uses . That is just me though. I tried to sober up wiht the love of my life for years and years….it was wierd because in reality the basis of our reltionship was our common addiction. That was the thing that tied us together and it was a slow dark dance of death.. How many times he would od..or I would and come to with him pounding on my chest. I mean just some sick stuff. We were bounded in addiction.
    The bottom will eventually fall out of the job..as it did with me. we can only keep up that fascade so long and the drugs win and the job is gone. I don’t know maybe I just wasn’t a very “controlled” addict! I just know that heroin took every shred of anything worthwhile in my life in the end, I sat alone with just my addiction for company.
    You sound like maybe you can do this thing,!!! I really hope you do . It never gets better …and the methadone just dept me in the addiction.
    My life today is not easy. It has taken a few years to rebuild what addiction took from me. But I know exactly what awaits me if I choose to stick that needle in my arm…
    Keep posting and let us know how it is going…The withdrawal..well pretty nasty and learning to live life in reality not always pretty..but always worth it

    love to you northbelle

    #107260
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Lost :kitty:
    I am glad the Life after Methadone thread has helped.
    If I was you I would definitely take some time off work.
    Everybody’s experience is different so there is no one who can tell you exactly what it will be like.
    It will be difficult. Opiate detox always is. Not as difficult as staying addicted and suffering the consequences of that though.
    I will keep you and your BF in my prayers this morning.
    Personally I don’t think any treatment is better or easier than another. They are all good and all difficult if you are really ready to quit.
    The good news is that you are taking a step in the right direction. Stay open to the possibility that today could be the beginning of a whole new way of life that you never dreamed possible.
    I know this is a clichΓ© but “One Day At A Time”. Life has been so much more manageable for me since I practice only dealing with what is in front of me today. Try not to worry about the BF and future all that stuff. It will all work it self out.
    That being said, I know that for me getting clean was the scariest thing I ever did. I know it is hard. I am here for you. Keep posting and know that it can be done. Lots of us here are living proof. Go to a meeting. If you don’t feel comfortable go to another meeting. Keep going until you find a meeting you like. Just go. They really helped me and I encourage everybody to try them. More than once. Go everyday for a month and see what happens.
    Good luck and God bless.
    L
    :Val004:

    #107263
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Lost. I too; am on methadone. PLEASE do not use the methadone and any other opiate together. Buzz Kilowatt explained to me all of the dangers of doing that…My Dr. told me NOT to use while taking methadone, but I never asked “why?” Some have told me that the methadone will just not let us get our desired feeling from our DOC…That the methadone will “block it”. Buzz told me there are more severe consequences; such as death! The way I understand it, by mixing them, it affects our lungs…depresses our breathing, and that’s why so many of us addicts have lung/ breathing problems. Also, by using both, it only “ups” our tolerance to narcotics, then when we REALLY decide to get clean w/ just the methadone, I think we will need a higher dose. You can talk to him. He is a walking wealth of knowledge, and always willing to help! I wish you the best! You are worth it!

    #107266
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,

    Well today didn’t go exactly as I had hoped. I met with the counselor at the treatment facility and they recommended a 5 day inpatient program. A bed will be available on Thursday. They don’t do outpatient detox and they will only accept me if a doctor detoxs me and I get medical clearance. πŸ™

    there are a few reasons why I don’t want to go inpatient. #1 my manager is on vacation and I can’t just stop coming to work. I am already on thin ice at my job. #2 I am not leaving my apartment, my cat, my belongings and my car with my live in drug addict boyfriend. Him leaving while I am in the hospital is not an option. He has nowhere to go.

    So now I am back to detoxing myslef. I was going down on the methadone and got to 15mg. I have stayed on that for a few days and thought I stabilized. For some reason though last night I woke up after two hours with horrible body aches. I could not sit still at all. I was up all night trying to wait to take my next dose of meth until 6:30 am when I normally take it. After 3 hours I just couldn’t take it anymore. I took my dose and was able to fall asleep once it kicked in. I slept about 2 hours amd then I had to get up. πŸ™

    Now it is wearing off since I took it at 3:30am. usually I can make it until after work. After 12 hours for some reason I feel the difference. Now I am stuck at work for 2 1/2 more hours, meth wearing off and the body aches are coming back.

    My boyfriend is pissed at me because I am blowing off work because I feel like crap and I am stressed. Well I tried to blow off a meeting at work today. I’m here and trying to do what I am supposed to.

    How am I going to do this? Why is the methadone not getting me through 24 hours? Is this normal? Does stress have an effect on it?

    You have no idea how bad I want to use tonight. Well actually I am sure that you do. πŸ™ I feel hopeless today. Why is it so hard to get help? I’m trying my hardest to keep it together but the tears are welling up in my eyes right now.

    I don’t know how to get through this day.

    #107231
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    If it were me I’d leave a BIG bowl of cat food/water out for the cat (they are resourceful creatures). I’d take the car keys. I’d call the boss and tell him you are having a medical emergency…..then I’d go to inpatient detox.

    I found that outpatient detox didn’t work. You have a junkie in the house too…that’ll be hard.

    It ain’t hard to “get help”. Help yourself and go get that bed at the inpatient detox.

    To hell with the boyfriend. He sounds like a dud anyways.

    Go get clean and live.

    Stay home and, well, you know.

    #107267
    Anonymous
    Inactive
    windysan wrote:
    If it were me I’d leave a BIG bowl of cat food/water out for the cat (they are resourceful creatures). I’d take the car keys. I’d call the boss and tell him you are having a medical emergency…..then I’d go to inpatient detox.

    I found that outpatient detox didn’t work. You have a junkie in the house too…that’ll be hard.

    It ain’t hard to “get help”. Help yourself and go get that bed at the inpatient detox.

    To hell with the boyfriend. He sounds like a dud anyways.

    Go get clean and live.

    Stay home and, well, you know.

    I know. I can’t leave him in my apt with my car. Those are the only things I have. He has no car. He would never let me leave him without a car. he couldn’t get anywhere, work…nothing. He is extremely controlling unfortunately. I am not in the best situation.

    I am going to try to do it on my own. I am only on 15mgs of methadone so I don’t have far to go. The first few days with nothing will be the hardest I know.

    He thinks I am making too big a deal over stopping. That my dose is so low I should be able to just do it. That I need to ‘get a grip’. πŸ™

    #107232
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well, if you can’t do it alone and if you end up failing then you need to make a plan to go inpatient.

    Sometimes you have to tell the other half to get lost.

    Hell, buy him a cheap bicycle. The guy sounds like a real loser anyways.

    If you are TOTALLY serious about getting clean then you’ll do what it takes. If that means quitting your job, taking the car, taking the cat and telling the BF goodbye then that is what it will have to take.

    Going at it alone is difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. Being dopesick and having access to junk is gonna be hard.

    The boyfriend, the car, the cat, the job………….these are small things when your life is on the line.

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