Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #31095
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Many of my miracles I experience come from the application of what I call spiritual principles. Although, the words I use to describe these principles seem to change for me as I grow in recovery. They give me a basic way to communicate my inadequacy along with areas of proficiency. I am able to navigate life in this new world of recovery How over time, everything changes.

    Having time off from work has given me the opportunity to get in touch with my feelings in a deeper level. For an example. Believing in a higher power and relationships always been a downfall and trigger in my past as they are today. The difference for me today is am aware of my downfalls ( character defects ) and triggers and I don’t act out on them anymore. I have been enlighten and have come to terms with many of my character defects.

    My mother god bliss her soul. I was brought up without a father. Both of my parents are still living. At a very young age my mother forever throw the god word at me. Her favorite saying. If you don’t behave god will punish you. I remember in the late sixties New York City had a complete blackout. My mother blame me for the blackout. I was eleven or twelve and till this day I remember her exact words. You see what you did. God turned off all the lights because you don’t listen to me. God is punishing you. Well how did I solve this problem. I stop believing in god. At that age logic told me if I don’t believe in him then he cant punish me. Well that was the beginning of the end of my spirituality.

    I love my mother. But I have been enlighten and have come to terms with many of my character defects. Resentment and anger comes to mind here. Today I understand that my mother came from dysfunctional parents. And my mother did the best she could with the tools she learned from her parents. I had a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother. And for me to continue my progress in recovery I had to confront that anger and resentment. I have come to terms. We have made our amends.

    I spent half of my life not believing in a spiritual being – higher power. I’m fifty two years old. I only been to church twice. Once when I got married and when I was a best man. I never read a bible and I don’t attempt too ether. Today I know for a fact that I used alcohol and drugs to fill that empty feeling within. Discontent is a word I can truly identify with. Working the 12 steps I found a spiritual – higher power of my understanding. No longer do I feel Discontent. I have been enlighten. Now I can work on the spiritual principles of NA and come to terms with my downfalls ( character defects ). I know the more I work on my character defects the less urges I confront. How over time, everything changes.

    Relationships. I was heart broken from my high school sweetheart. At eighteen I made a promise to never let anyone hurt me again. I closed my heart to love. What a combination. Spiritually empty and a closed heart at such a young age. Classic tale of future substance abuser. Today I understand that you have to give love to receive love. No matter how much someone loved me, I could not give back the same love. I had a hard time even saying I love you. I wanted you but I couldn’t love you. I love them, but I wasn’t in love with them. I live a lie and in denial for so many years of my life. Looking at it now it boggles my mind how I made it this far in life. Working my 4th, 5th and 6th steps I have been enlighten and have come to terms with many of my character defects. If I can go back and change the hand of time I would. But I cant. When I did my inventory and woke up and seen the damage of my past. Enormous guilt set right in.

    Making amends to past relationship was difficult. I had no idea where my first wife lived. My second wife pass away in 1994. My sponsor suggested that I right two letters. One two each of my x-wife’s. In the letters tell them exactly what you would say if they were in front of you. Then mail the letters to a close friend or a relative. If they call you asking question and you feel comfortable explain why you sent the letter. If your not then tell them it was a mistake on your part. Your amends to the best of your ability has been made.

    As I stay clean and grow spiritually. And If I do not, I well miss out on the rest of what recovery would have to offer me. It is all set up so that the benefits stay hidden until the moment they are released. Through my sponsor, my higher power. The 12 steps of NA. The support from you at 12 Step National Meetings. More is to be reveal.

    Ivan

    #163916
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Great post Ivan. Thanks alot.

    I too had issue’s with God starting at a young age, and it was a big stumbling block for me when I got into a 12 Step program. Then I was told it was ok to let the HP thing happen when it happened. I could call it whatever I wanted, I could imagine whatever I wanted. And that helped me.

    I don’t talk about my HP very much, because for me, it’s a very personal thing, and mine is my own; what I came up with so I could understand. My HP is not the same as a religious God either, and I still don’t go to church. I have trouble with religion, and as such, I don’t take any of it with me to meetings. The flip side is my HP, is always around when I need him, and when I don’t. I can find him anywhere I look, at any time, and we can talk whenever I make the time. (And generally it’s when I’m on my motorcycle. 😉 )

    Anyway, thanks again for the post. Keep ’em coming!

    #163919
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    wow, that was beautiful to read. congratulations on your growth thus far…you inspire me.

    #163915
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Doug…

    My serenity prayer starts like this… My higher power grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    ….. Is that beautiful or what….

    Today I understand the critical magnitude of open-mindedness, love, humility and faith. As I welcomed the spiritual awareness of the connection between existence, and me. Through working on the foundation of my recovery I matured into a spiritual being committed to living amidst the power, strength and inspiration that my Higher Power has provided me.

    Ivan

    #163917
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Timebuster 1501618 wrote:

    Doug…

    My serenity prayer starts like this… My higher power grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    ….. Is that beautiful or what….

    Ivan

    Nice TB. And keepin’ it simple too, which is what works for me. I can complicate, and interject all my own crap like nobody’s business.

    I’ve never heard it like that before. Thanks. 😉

    #163920
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Nice…My abf just back from rehab we decided to say it together every morning. But we say ” my source grant me..” in reference to trusting the energy around us. The feeling of cravings, the feeling of each other…whatever it is that you’re feeling & responding correctly.

    #163918
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    That’s a good one too Selah. Thanks.

    #163914
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Great post Ivan.

    More is revealed to me everyday I remain clean. Although many times these truths is something I do not particularly like, I would not want to miss out on this learning experience by clouding my mind with alcohol and pills.

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