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  • #30874
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    good morning….yes,another,”confession”…A few weeks ago,I slipped for a three day weekend…blamed it all on some unpleasant words between myself and my aging mother.went sober for a week,then something else,”made” me drink…don’t even remember what the reason was….and i continued with the nightly drinking for a few more weeks….and i was right back to my alchoholic self….negative thoughts,periods or anger and rage,directed at other people,but i was really angry at myself.Just basically a miserable person…..went to the cardiologist last week,had chest pains a few times when i wasn’t drinking…and i felt i had to lie when she asked about my drinking….my daughter works in her office,so i told her i’d been sober for 5 mnths,which i would’ve been if i hadn’t slipped up the last month….
    Well.it’s day #3 again….and i just have to get it through my thick head that,”I CANNOT DRINK”…..we’ve all heard of the “nasty drunk”……well,i become a,”suicidal drunk”…..worthless,hopeless,useless…I am feeling alittle better each day…it is a relief to know that i am NOT that negative,hateful person at heart…..it’s only when i let the alchohol take control of me and my life…i do not like the person i become..
    thanks for listening….glad to be back….take it easy today,i know i will….KT

    #159172
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Merlot-

    We don’t need *reasons* to drink. We drink … because we’re alcoholics.

    Thanks for your condor, ummmm … I’ve only one thing though –
    “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”

    It’s a program of rigorous honesty.
    Not telling yer doc could have been dangerous.

    Honesty, hon – it the ONLY thing keeping us sober sometimes.

    Just think about it.
    I’m glad you made it.

    Pick em up dust ’em off and have at it again.

    *prayers*
    barb

    #159166
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Being an alcoholic and drinking is normal. For years it was how we survived. Try not to beat yourself up. Give yourself credit for knowing there is a problem. Hey, I’m on 1 year and can add again also. We both have today. I know these are just sayings but, their simple and true. We have to divert our thoughts at times. Some of us at 12 Step National Meetings met in NYC a few years ago. We had a great time. We loved the Circle Line Ferry.
    I saw a side of NYC I had never seen before.

    #159180
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Glad you’re back Karrotop. Best thing I can think of saying is what Don W has already said, ‘try not to beat yourself up’. Be kind to yourself, look after yourself, you’re worth it.

    #159171
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I went back out for a couple of weeks back in 2006 after almost 3 years, and it was exactly as we hear over and over: the disease continues to grow in you, whether you’re drinking or not. I went from a couple of beers one night to shots of vodka with beer chasers within days, and was quickly right back to all of the hopelessness and negativity it had taken me a lot of work to overcome. The good news, as I’m sure others will tell you as well, is that you’re on day three but you’re not starting over on you sobriety. You know what sober feels like and you have a much clearer view of your own faults and shortcomings, and while you still may have them, you can live with them and overcome them when you aren’t drinking. Congratulations on getting back or track, welcome back.

    #159168
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi karrotop,

    Welcome back. Just by posting you are on your way to sobriety.

    Hugs, Jhana

    #159182
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome back, Karrotop!!

    When I first got sober, I also went back out after 5 months. Wonder what it is about that number?? It was a three day weekend, two years ago, but thank God I’ve been sober since then.

    It was really hard for a while to not drink for ANY REASON. Mom made me mad? Couldn’t drink. Stressed out after a day with my son with autism? Couldn’t drink. Wanted to celebrate? Couldn’t drink. Just needed a “break”? Couldn’t drink. Once I really BELIEVED, way deep down inside, that I am powerless over alcohol, I really BELIEVED I couldn’t drink, and I didn’t. It was hard sometimes (still is sometimes). But every single time I made it through something without drinking – and went to an AA meeting, reached out to others, prayed, asked for help instead – it made it a little easier the next time.

    Keep reaching out for help, don’t beat yourself up, and move forward. Be honest, like you’re being with us. It doesn’t feel good to live with secrets. A wonderful life is waiting for you 🙂

    #159176
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Karrot..

    Keep coming back!

    Big Hugs,

    Karen

    #159170
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey karrotop,

    Glad you made it back. Make it your last time by changing your whole way of thinking.

    Drinking is not the answer to any question except “How can I f%@@!$! my life today?”

    #159178
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome back. I drank because my eyelids were open and I was breathing. I’m an alcoholic, it’s what we do. Hopefully, all the “excuses” to drink will become lies for you. AA has showed me the way out, and it can for you too IF you are willing, honest and open minded. If you are out of answers, the solution will appear. My best suggestion is for today, don’t drink and go to a meeting.

    #159177
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Karrottop,

    Forgive yourself…Keep reaching out for support…

    You can do this…

    #159167
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    :Val004:

    Welcome back KT!

    #159179
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Karrotop and welcome back. Feels good to ‘fess up, doesn’t it? When you do that, you make it easier for others to do the same. Big ditto marks on what EarthMama said, among others.

    Blessings from the Snowgoose.

    #159175
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome Back Karrot,

    We are glad you are here.

    Ted

    #159169
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    karrot you can beat yourself up and thus give yourself another ‘excuse’ to drink or you can take steps now to change your actions.

    I don’t know if you have tried AA, just try it, I went the first 6 months just to be in meetings with sober folks and to get phone numbers…….my attitude was “the h*ll with the program I need sober people to be around.

    You have Long Island NY marked as where you are and there are HUNDREDS of meetings there, get to some, introduce yourself to a woman or two and tell them you are new and NEED PHONE NUMBERS. Then when you get those numbers you use them.

    You know those first months it was not a big thing or hard to go to those meetings. I thought I wasn’t hearing much but much later realized I had. What I did feel while in those meetings was SAFE. And I got HOPE for the first time in my life………here were bunches of people living sober, WOW, kept me coming/ back until the fog lifted. Heck what was spending an hour or two a day in a meeting? I had spent a lot more than that DAILY DRINKING.

    When you are going to buy a bottle, pick up the phone or cell phone instead and start dialing. That little bit of change alone can make a BIG DIFFERENCE in those first horrible months of recovery.

    Now if you are not ready yet, then you will keep bouncing in and out of dryness, that is your choice. However, you need to think long and hard about that as the time will come when you will not make it back. Alcoholism only gets worse never better.

    Hopefully this was your true awakening, that you have found that very tiny “spark of willingness” TO CHANGE.

    My the Great Spirit watch over you.

    Love and hugs,

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