- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 13, 2015 at 10:45 pm#37400AnonymousInactive
First off, let me introduce myself. My name is Julian. I live in western North Carolina. Yes, I am an addict. I have been an addict for about 5 1/2 years now. I am addicted to OxyCodone. About 2 weeks ago I was taking a fairly high dose of the drug (about 3 – 4 times a day — about 240 mg to 320 mg each time — now im lowered a little bit).
I am currently trying to ween myself off of the drug. The reason I am doing this myself, is because about 4 months ago, I called my insurance company about going into rehab, and they sent me to the local hospital. Long story short, the insurance company (being cheap im sure) told be that they thought the best way for me to do this is to take my remaining medicine and ween myself off.
Well, here is my story…
It all started 6 years ago for me. I was in a small car accident, which left me with moderate chronic pain. Along with psoriatic arthritis and a torn rotator-cuff in my right shoulder. After the accident, I started going to different doctors to see what I could do to manage my pain. And after a few weeks of seeing different doctors, I was finally placed into a pain management clinic. The first visit in this clinic, I was immediately placed on a low dose of OxyContin (5 mg 3 times daily). Several months after that visit, I was taken off Oxy and placed on Morphine. A month after, I told my doctor I didn’t like the way Morphine effected me. So I was placed on Methadone. The same story, a month later, I told my doctor the same thing.
So after Methadone, I was placed back on Oxy (10 mg 3 times this time). This time, I stayed steady on the Oxy and slowly moved up the dosage-ladder. Well, for about a year, I kept moving up dosages, until I was taking nothing but OxyContin 40 mg & 80 mg tablets.
Well, at the end of my 2nd year seeing him, I ran into a problem with my pain doctor. I went in for a normal visit, took my normal drug test. But this time, my drug test had come back positive for morphine. Well, to make a long story short — it was the fault of the lab they send the drug tests too. The day after my doc read the report that included morphine, the lab sent a revised report saying they made a mistake. My doctor did not read the revised report, he simply signed it and threw it in a pile, and then discharged me from his clinic. Well, I managed to convince my regular doctor to cover me on my pain meds while I worked things out. About 3 months later, my doctor realized his mistake and took me back. Immediately putting me back on my high-dose.
Well, for a while after this, everything was going smoothly.
I was seeing my doctor every month, passing my drug-tests, and taking my high-dose of OxyContin. I felt good, it was REALLY helping in the sense of pain relief, and I was functioning normally. I really didn’t notice any adverse side effects, except for constipation, occasional drowsiness, and of course, the occasional itchiness.
But, then, things stopped going so smoothly.. Even though I have moderate to sometimes severe chronic pain, some of my doctors (including my pain doctor), decided that it was time for me to get off the narcotic pain medication. Now, at the time, I was fine with this, because I was planning on taking a trip to South Korea with my girlfriend, and I didn’t want to go through the trouble of taking controlled narcotic drugs on the airplane and through customs with me. One thing I didn’t realize, and I was ill-informed about, was the fact getting off of these drugs was not fun and not easy, and the withdrawal was like a living nightmare or hell.
At this time, my doctor began trying to ween me off of such a high-dose of oxycodone. Well, at this time, things did not go very smoothly. During the period of weening, my doctor neglected to drug test me. And due to the fact I have chronic pain, and the horrible feelings of withdrawal both drove me to buying some pills of the street, to cover the gap of what he dropped my dose to. At this time, my trip to South Korea had been delayed for a few years (me and my girlfriend decided to delay due to numerous reasons and issues), so I figured that when he took me off the medicine, I could just buy the pills myself off the street, and then take myself off them when it comes time for me to go to Korea.
Well, that never happened, you see, both of my parents have moderate to severe chronic pain, and both of them are prescribed really high doses of OxyContin.
Both of them take 40 mg & 80 mg tablets — 3 80s & then 3 40s about half an hour later, so both of them take each about 360 mg per dose dose.
Now, they have cut way down since this happened.
They are prescribed the same amount, but they both take each about 200 mg to 240 mg per dose.
Anyway, I live with them. So whenever I could not find or afford the pills off the street, I would sneak them from my parents, or I would just ask get something from them every now and then. I had lied to my parents and told them I had gotten off the medicine, and that taking one every now and then wouldn’t be bad for me. Well, after a while, my doc had lowered my dose to 0 & taken me off the medicine. Well, ever since that happened, to this day, I am still buying & sneaking pills, and what’s crazy, is that I am taking my old high-dose, sometimes more if I can!
This drug has done some good for me in the sense of pain relief, but it has also done some bad for me. Now, I am not against this medicine, and I am not against doctors prescribing this medicine. Many people NEED this medicine for pain relief, a lot of people need it so they can even function because their pain is so bad, and not just cancer patients. Without this medicine, neither of my parents would be able to function at all. They would probably be curled up in the fetal position on the floor or bed. I have seen them without the medicine. It hurts me to see someone in that much pain, especially my parents. Thats why, I think this medicine is great in the sense of pain relief IF it is prescribed & used properly.
I myself, I only used it properly half the time. See, my pain is pretty bad too, without this medicine, I am in QUITE a bit of pain myself. Anyway, whenever I take Oxy (I still do this), in the morning and when I am hurting really bad and need quick relief, I will either chew up an 80 mg or 40 mg, or I will take an 80 mg & a 40 mg both, peel the coating off, crush them into a fine powder and snort them. Now, some people, cannot function when they ARE taking this medicine, but everyone is different, drugs act differently on everyone. Now, I myself, when I am taking it, even in VERY high doses, I can function perfectly, it will even give me a strong energy boost (if I take more and get a buzz off of it).
Anyway, back to my point. This drug has changed me, and not for the better. I really want to get off of it, and I am weening myself down now with the medicine I have left (A few months ago I came into a TON of pills — roughly about 1,120 80 mg pills, and 850 40 mg pills –now I DIDN’T rob anyone or steal to get these!). See, one of my relatives passed a way a few months ago, and he was SERIOUSLY addicted to this medicine. BUT, he DID have a prescription, so he was taking it for a legit reason, but he was taking far too much. Oxy is not why he died though, he passed away from cancer. 🙁 … Anyway, he also bought a lot of OxyContin (he took brand OxyContin and bought the same, he never took or bought generics — because he too snorted them **)
Well, I was in a back bedroom of his house, and I found a key on the dresser, and then noticed a cardboard box with a fairly large lock-box inside. Well, I tried the key on the lockbox and it worked, so I opened it up and to my utter shock and amazement, I saw several thousand brand OxyContin pills inside his prescription bottles and some small baggies, along with a small note addressed too me. He wrote me the note knowing I would probably find this after he passed away, also knowing that I was addicted to the drug as well. But at that moment I saw those pills, I was overcome with excitement due to the fact I am very addicted and hate going through withdrawal. It’s like a meth or heroin junkie finding a box with several kilos of meth or heroin.
Anyway, time to finish up my story. Right now, I am on my 2nd week of officially weening off. I am VERY excited to cut back and get off the medicine. I went from taking about 320 mg per dose to 200 mg flat per dose. I think I am doing fairly well. Hope to be down to none within the next month and a half to 2 months. I want to take this just a little slow, because I don’t have a doctor writing me drugs to help the withdrawal. I am on my own here except for maybe going to an NA meeting. Right now, I am looking for support and help with this problem of mine.
The only thing I am not looking forward too after this, is the pain I will be in. I am going to do my best to try to find a method of pain management that doesn’t require me to take narcotics. I mean, after a while, if it comes down too it and I am in far too much pain, I might have to start taking the medicine again. But I am going to do my VERY BEST to avoid that situation.
Again, I am not against people taking this drug for TRUE pain and doctors prescribing this drug properly for TRUE pain. Many people NEED these medicines (Oxycodone, Morphine, Hydrocodone, Codeine etc) to live a normal life and function normally with chronic pain.
And, my biggest beef is that people need to be more understanding to the people who DO take this drug for a legitimate reason. So many people look at the people like my parents and me (back when I was prescribed) like we are total junkie losers & just some drug addicts. People don’t understand what it is like to have true chronic pain. I myself did not understand until the accident messed me up and kicked my arthritis into over-drive.
It is not a bad thing for people to take narcotic pain relievers IF they have chronic pain. However, it is a bad thing for people to abuse them. I know, I am one of them right now, but, it is the people who abuse them who make it harder for people who truly need it to get a prescription. (Again, I know I am one of them right now, but I am trying my best to get off).
I have 2 friends, I wont say their names but lets just call them Bob & Jane. Bob & Jane are married, and they have 2 kids. One is a 1 year old little girl, and their other child is a 4 year old little boy. I’ve known Bob & Jane for a long time, they are good, nice people (at least they were before this happened). But about a year ago, Bob & Jane became addicted to pain killers. They are always looking for drugs, they even come over to my house A LOT asking me AND MY parents for pain killers. Both me and my parents have never given them drugs.
Well, I can’t lie. Many months ago, Bob was in a very bad accident, he was inside of his SUV when it caught fire. He nearly burned alive inside of it. He survived the accident thank heavens with just some injuries (none of them will last forever). But after the accident, Bob was in A LOT of pain, and from personal experience, I am a pretty good judge at telling when someone is in true pain. So, I gave him 3 of 40 mg’s I cut into 4ths and told him to take 1 4th every now and then when the pain is bad. Well, it was one of my biggest mistakes. At the time, I didn’t realize how addicted Bob & Jane were to pain killers. The next day, I heard they took all 3 pills within 2 hours. Anyway, about 6 or 7 weeks ago, Bob and Jane show up at my house wanting to talk to me and my mother.
Jane comes in with Bob and both sit down in our living room, and feed us a long story. Well, it turns out that their kids had not eaten ALL day (it was about 6:30 PM at the time), and they had about $15 left. Well, instead of going and buying food for their 2 YOUNG children, Bob and Jane wanted to try and buy some pills from me and my mother. Both me and my mother looked at them like they were insane. Anyway, my mother pulled a $10 bill out of her pocket and handed it to Jane and said:
“Go to the store, and get some food for your kids. Don’t let them go hungry.. They need you more than anything. You are their mother, take care of them before you take care of yourself… You have $25 now, go get some food, and I better not find out you went and spent it on pills.”
See what drug addiction can do? I myself would NEVER let my kids go hungry, drug addicted or not (this is coming from an addict! :P).. But it just hurts me to see what people go through. I myself, I understand what Bob and Jane go through, so I somewhat sympathize with them (NOT the part where they didn’t feed their kids, I thought THAT was completely wrong!!!)
I think that this country needs to do more in the sense of recovery for addicts, and doing more to teach people (especially kids) about drug addiction, and how dangerous and how NOT fun it is. We need to do more to help the people addicted to drugs, and not just throw them in jail.
And definitely NOT making certain drugs like OxyCodone & Morphine COMPLETELY illegal so NOBODY can get it — that is just dumb!
So many people, addicts, who get caught by the police holding drugs like cocaine, meth, heroin, oxy etc get thrown into jail.. I think that is wrong. This coming from an addict himself, addiction can NOT be cured by throwing someone in jail. It will just make it harder for that person. As soon as they get out of jail, they will go back to using the drug, even more.
Anyway, I hope to be weened down to nothing here in about a month and 1/2 to 2 months. I am working hard every day, trying to battle the mental side of things. I’ve given all of my pills to my father, where he put them in his giant safe in his secret area. Whenever its time for me to take my dose, he distributes them too me, each time, lowering the dose by just a little bit. (I usually go down a little every few days).. Again, I want to take this a little slow, because I am doing this myself, I am not getting any other medications from my doctor to help me with this. And I didn’t want to go onto Suboxone or Subutex… I heard that Suboxone is pretty addictive itself. It may help someone get off of other opiates, but your just replacing one drug with another. And then you have to get off of the Suboxone, which I heard is just has hard if not HARDER than getting off of most opiates.
Right now, I just want to find support.. And I guess, I wanted to meet and know other people who have been through my struggle or a similar struggle with addiction. I look forward to meeting other people on here, and listening to other peoples stories…
BTW:: Sorry if my story/post gets a little confusing or hard to understand at parts. It’s really long, and I wrote it pretty quickly.. 😛 sorry… lol
Also, sorry its so long! I guess I had a long story to tell! haha
** – For those who do not know, OxyContin is the brand name for OxyCodone. OxyCodone is the ingredient in OxyContin. Do not let someone tell you they are different. One of the only differences in them would be the fact that generic OxyCodone tablets gel up when in contact with moisture, so that it is harder for people to abuse them via snorting and impossible for someone to shoot them up. But drug wise, they are exactly the same drug.
OxyContin = OxyCodone Hydrochloride
Any other generic OxyCodone pills = OxyCodone Hydrochloride
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