This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anonymous 12 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #23122

    Anonymous

    My husband has been an alcoholic for many years, and I married him anyways about a year ago. I knew that he had a drinking problem, and pretty much how bad it was. I certainly didn’t realize how ugly it would be to live with. And I’ve had enough….. I’ve threatened to divorce him at least twice (yes in one year of marriage) because of really ugly specific events. Last night I just decided that I had had enough. He had “promised” to get help many times before, but obviously he hasn’t. I told him today that I was calling the divorce attorney TODAY unless he checked himself into somewhere TODAY. What am I doing? Setting myself up again, or might we save his life.

    #43366

    Anonymous

    Liz:

    Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. As for your husband, the choice is now his. Recovery is a process and not a single event. There are likely to be ups and downs, but if you stick with it, you will get better, even if he doesn’t.

    Hopefully, if he gets into the right kind of program and gets honest with himself, he will find recovery too. Then both of you will need to work on rebuilding what is broken. But understand, initially his primary focus must be on staying sober.

    Talking with your Higher Power can’t hurt, but also talk with the attorney just in case!

    #43367

    Anonymous

    I’m in the same boat, and sometimes I think that I never had any paddles to begin with!
    I live in a small town, and so far have only been able to find one meeting for myself nearby- Thank the Lord that I found this site! I think I would have lost my mind if I hadn’t.
    Check out the Nar-Anon site. I’ve gotten a lot of insight already, and I’ve only been “here” for a few days.
    I guess what it comes down to eventually is that we have to live our own life and prepare ourselves to accept that we cannot force our loved ones to change, so therefore we must change ourselves. With the help of support groups, such as Al-Anon, Alateen and CoDA, we can make it.
    I pray for everyone out there to find the peace they so richly deserve.
    Thanks for helping me achieve some semblence of sanity again, ya’ll.

    #43368

    Anonymous

    I have been living with my boyfriend and were thinking of getting married. But, there has been a series of those especially vile incidents one after another. In the last one, he was very intoxicated and hurt me, but he also had an engagement ring he had bought on the same day. Does that make sense? I am trying everything to take care of myself through all these horrendous incidents. Especially, making sure I go to my job each day, but it has been very difficult. I always knew he did have a drinking problem and told him to stop on numerous occasions. It seemed that he couldn’t go one day without it and there was always booz in the fridge. He made excuses for not looking for a job. He’s in jail now and he still will not admit he has a drinking problem. I am very guilty about this. I have been looking on the internet or any place for a support group. I don’t want to marry him or go back to him, but I am afraid I will. He is a very nice person when he is sober. I would like to help him, but I can’t help if he won’t admit there is a problem. I would even stop drinking my Friday night happy hour if he would admit a problem and go through recovery.

    #43371

    Anonymous

    Hi Linda, and welcome to the boards. You are indeed welcome here. I do want to suggest that you try posting on the Nar-anon/ Al-anon board where there are others with similar stories and experiences who can share with you right away. Do take care of yourself…and stay close.


    Be well, and have a great 24…

    #43369

    Anonymous

    Not to sound harsh but this is real life we are dealing with here kids…The cold hard facts are that alkies don’t change unless they want too and usually not until they have consequences for their behavior. I;m not going to give advice here…only you can determine the right course of action, if any, to take. Please do find the support of others who have experience in dealing with your situation and Good Luck!! You all are worth it!!
    Love and serenity,
    Vicki

    #43370

    Anonymous

    Linda
    PLEASE check out the nar-anon site. It’s been one of my greatest resources for sanity, and it feels great(but it also makes me sad in a way) to know that I’m not alone in this. It’s really helped so much.
    Hope I see you there soon.


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