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- July 4, 2016 at 7:21 pm#39702AnonymousInactive
Since I intend to start posting here, I thought I would share my story for anyone interested in knowing it. If not, that’s OK, It was actually kind of cathartic just writing it out. I tried to keep it as brief as possible, so here goes:
I never touched alcohol until I got to college, and even then in my freshman year I rarely drank, and if I did I didn’t drink to excess. I had my first serious relationship that year, fell very hard for her, and when it ended right before the end of my freshman year I was traumatized. One of my roommates had a bottle of bourbon that he had been given but had never opened, and I proceeded to drink almost all of it (which was nothing once I got into my drinking years, but at the time I got extremely drunk, then sick, then hungover). But, for some reason that night seemed to throw the “switch”, because shortly after that I was drinking every night. By halfway through my sophomore year, my GPA had plummeted, primarily because I rarely attended classes due to drinking heavily the night before. Blackouts were extremely common, probably a good thing considering the number of embarassing things I was told that I did while drunk. I began to alienate myself from my roommates, who knew me from last year when I rarely drank (and none of them were heavy drinkers). So, I found new harder-partying friends and continued to drink heavily every night, but eventually I was forced to change my major and transfer schools since I could no longer keep a decent GPA at that one.
Fast forward three years, I met the woman who a year later would become my wife in my senior year of college. I had been able to moderate my weekday drinking so that I was able to do very well in my last 3 years of college. My wife-to-be obviously knew of my drinking, and she would party with me on the weekends, but since I had been able to function very well at school and in our relationship, she did not have a problem with it. We both graduated and got married one month later.
Fast forward four years, and two kids, later, she had completely stopped drinking, but I hadn’t, although I had continued to function well in my career in spite of my two or three night per week binges. However, I was not functioning well in my marriage because of the alcohol, and finally she handed me the classic ultimatum. I did choose her over alcohol, and it was surprisingly easy for me to quit cold turkey. Well, I say quit, but I would occasionally have to travel out of town for work, usually 2 or 3 times a year, and I would take those opportunities to binge drink, but once I got back home I wouldn’t even think about alcohol until the next time I was out of town. At this point, my story should have concluded with “he continued to drink only a few times a year and he and his family lived happily ever after”.
Fast forward 12 years, and two more children later, marriage is still pretty good, binge drinking a little more often, but no more than once a month or so, then moved to Florida to take a new job, over and above the strong objections of my wife. She did finally acquiesce and agree to relocate there, but the stress of moving and relocating were starting to take its toll on each of us and our marriage. I began to binge drink even more often, partially because I was travelling more often for work and also because my wife had taken up hobbies that caused her to be gone at least one weekend a month (which I took as an opportunity to drink while she was away). I still tried to not drink around her because that always led to a fight.
Fast forward 3 years, drinking even more often, pretty much every weekend plus one or two weekday nights. Received my first DUI. Marriage was on very shaky ground.
Fast forward 3 more years, another DUI, marriage held together by a thread, primarily because I would not stop drinking in spite of her continuous threats to leave.
Fast forward 1 year, was arrested for domestic battery (she claims I pushed her out of my way when I came home one night extremely drunk). I honestly don’t believe I did, since I am not generally an angry drunk and had never laid a finger on her in 20 some years of marriage, although my memory of that night was very hazy. I actually decided to quit drinking and went to a 28 day rehab (partially my choice to go, but also the court strongly “encouraged” me to go so that the battery charges would be dropped). I figured, it was easy to quit the first time, should be easy to quit this time too, right? Within 3months I was back to drinking even more than before.
Fast forward 2 years (which is now last year, 2009), got DUI #3, the wife and I separated shortly after that, but I still didn’t quit. I was somehow able, through planning and willpower, to at least moderate my weekday drinking, because hangovers had been starting to interfere with my job (and the last DUI put me on thin ice with my company as well). However, while this moderation decreased the quantity I drank it led me to start drinking every single night of the week, which up till then I had not yet done.
Divorce was final in January; the relationship had been damaged beyond repair. Went to court in March for the 3rd DUI and did 10 days in jail, but here I am today, still drinking every night, but getting very tired of the routine.
I should want to quit, but as I said in an earlier post, I don’t really want to quit, but I want to want to quit!
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