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    My story…

    I was here awhile back, although I didn’t participate much. I forgot my username, changed my email address so here I am starting over with post #1.

    I am 43, mother to a beautiful 4 year old girl.

    I am an alcoholic. A real one.

    I got sober after more than 15 years of drinking, benzo and painkiller abuse on May 15, 2009.

    I went to 3 months outpatient recovery, embraced AA, did 90 meetings in 90 days, took the first 3 steps, got a sponsor.

    I fell out with 2 of the ladies I went to recovery with and stopped going to meetings. I didn’t want to run into them. (Small town!)

    I stopped speaking to my sponsor after a bit, too. She had had a recent life trauma and I really should have found someone else as I spent more time comforting her than we did working on my sobriety. A few times she sounded slurry on the phone and since I didn’t want to go to meetings anymore, I ditched her too.

    I did stay sober for quite awhile, and I felt pretty confident about it (oh, this disease and it’s tricky ways!)

    15 days before my 18 month sobriety birthday I went on a business trip to Las Vegas. I had recently lost 30 lbs, bought some new clothes and I was ready to party. I think I knew long before this trip I was going to drink.

    I drank on my first night there. Drank a little bit on my 2nd night there. Got hammered on my 3rd night and did as shameful a thing as I had ever done in all my years drinking. That’s how long it took. 3 nights.

    I came back from LV and continued to drink for 6 weeks? 7 weeks?

    Anyway, starting over….yesterday. Day one all over again. Sigh.

    I’ve been reading my materials from recovery, back into the Big Book, reading the meditations and scanning the posts here. God, I don’t want another day one.

    My biggest problem is going back to meetings. I’m ok with AA, I got it. Well, did I? I am terrified at the idea of seeing those ladies I fell out with. My life hangs in the balance and that’s why I won’t go back to meetings and start over with a sponsor. Ugh. Always want the easy way out, don’t we??

    Anyway, I’m here and today I’m sober.

    Nice to meet you.

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