I don’t necessarily drink every day, and don’t suffer physical withdrawal symptoms but have for many years now more days than not drank daily more than the weekly recommended alcohol limits. I tend to drink strong lager but it is difficult to get drunk drinking lager any more.
My not being able to stop drinking has played a significant part in ending the one very important relationship I had in my life, and also played a significant part in ending a very good career I had in music. Perhaps a small part of why I have drunk were problems in that career and in that relationship, perhaps it was other stuff. I believe I take full responsibility for the things I have done. I have treated people around me awfully. I can become aggressive when drunk, and although I havent hit anybody or anything like that I have been pretty nasty mentally. I always black out and have no idea what I have done when drinking. I generally I treat people around me fine when I am sober.
I stopped working and have gone from living in a great flat in an extremely nice area in London to living in a flat in one of the lowest regarded cities in the country, in a flat with little to no heating or hot water, lots of mould, and rats running about under the floorboards.
I desperately want to stop drinking and called a local help agency. They told me I had to come in and fill in a questionnaire. I wanted to talk to someone about the problems I was having and couldn’t face dealing with a questionnaire to establish how addicted I was so didn’t go in. The whole notion of the higher power thing seems far to religious for me really. I accept the problems that I have but do not feel the need or want to announce them to strangers. I do not see why I need to do that in order to overcome these problems.
Can people here help me? I am looking for support from a community that understands where I am.