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    I’m not even gonna make excuses here, I need some support/help here. Long story short….I’m about 40 days sober, been doing good. Got a call last night at 10pm from one of my friends daughters. My friend Ed whom I JUST spoke to on wednesday for over and hour on the phone just died Thursday afternoon. He took a nap around 5Pm and never woke up, massive heart attack. When I talked to him at 7pm Wednesday he sounded fine. We talked about getting together and fishing in the next month, he was laughing, just a good conversation.

    I honestly was in shock when his daughter called me last night.

    My concerns now is this, besides missing my friend. Last night even after 40 days sober, my first thought was….getting wasted this weekend. I stayed up last night till 2am thinking about getting drunk, but I didnt. Now today all day I have been fighting the thoughts of drinking for the first time in over a month.

    I’m not stuopid okay, I know me getting drunk wont bring him back, it wont “make things better” or help his family, but I’m still thinking about it just to ease my own pain. I still haven’t drank tonight, but it is for sure on my mind all day today and tonight and I’m having big problems right now not thinking about it.

    Figured posting here was a start before I do something else ya know.


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