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- June 1, 2017 at 12:10 am#43033AnonymousInactive
I’ve finally had enough. I need help. I’m glad I found this site.
Ive been using cocaine since I was 18. Usually binges, but eventually it got to be a regular thing.. ever other day or so. There was a time, when I slowed down quite a bit.. but i dont think can say that I ever really quit. I am now 27 years old and have for the last year or so, quickly fallen back into a bad coke habit.
I am now married, and my wife works nights as a nurse. Makes it real easy to sneak out and pick up a little pow. Most of the time I do it alone.. but occasionally get together with a few buddies to rail it up for an evening. Last night was one of those nights….
I’m also pretty bad about mixing with alcohol. Usually use it to put myself out without enduring that damn comedown… It is also a major trigger… as soon as I have a few drinks, i can justify picking up some stuff a lot more easily.
Money is quickly disappearing and I have no way to explain it… I do all the finances but my wife can tell when the savings is not accumulating. The worst part is we are supposed to be saving a house and possibly starting a family. The only reason we are not now in a house is because of my habit. Thats the ONLY reason.
I want to tell my wife, but I think she would lose it. She has almost no experience with drug use so it would be huge to have her find out that thats where all the money is going and why we dont have a house… because i’ve secretly spent thousands of dollars over the last 2 years on cheap thrills…
I feel so horrible, so guilty. I mean, how could any decent person continue to make the same bad decision – when its directly affecting the one they love… Im also feeling the physical effects(nose isn’t working so well anymore)… my work performance is slipping… its just ruining my entire life. Again.
I know I can kick this habit, but I just havent had the willpower to do so. Starting today, I’m gonna change that. You all have inspired me and reminded me that it is possible. Thanks for that. Now comes the hard part…
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