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    allison h. is my name and i have struggled with substance abuse most of my life. i been clean for months now. i don’t remember a date. i have schizoeffective disorderschizoid personality disorder. i find it very hard to leave my home. i find it hard to talk to people because it is hard to make my thoughts come out in speech. now that i am not using i have started having problems overeating. my medicine has the side effect of weight gain – all 4 of them. when i read my recovery material it sometimes tells me that i might fail because i am not sharing with a 12step group. i have a computer now. does it qualify as a 12step group. i think it does. last night i had strong urges to use. instead i didn’t control my eating. i am really sad right now that i just cannot seem to moderate anything. i do believe in God. I know He is with me even though I struggle. thank you for reading this – allison h

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