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    Anonymous

    Hi everyone, I’m new here and (currently) struggling with a cocaine addiction. I started with opiates and alcohol around the age of 12, crossed over to marijuana sometime in college and the coke is a pretty recent addition. I’m at the point where I’m realizing that it’s in my best interest to quit now before this cocaine thing really takes off (when I say recent, I’m talking less than 2 months – not that I’m not already addicted, but it can only get worse from here). I haven’t yet had any external consequences, so it seems like I should probably start thinking about stopping before those really happen. Of course there are a lot of internal and physical consequences – namely the drippy nose issue and, as I battle insomnia anyway, you can imagine that when I’m using coke, I don’t sleep for days and days. I guess I should also add that I’m no longer using the opiates, alcohol or weed. It’s all coke, all the time now.

    My biggest problem (besides, y’know, the multiple substance addictions) is isolating. I have almost no social life whatsoever (though I am a PhD student, so that explains SOME of it – but not all). I haven’t been hugged or touched affectionately in literally MONTHS. I’m far too interested in using to bother with going out with friends. Part of my fear of stopping is that there will be somewhat of a lag between when I stop and when I actually feel up to being social again (I should also mention that I’m bipolar and depression can play a big role in that sometimes, too) – in the interim, I’m afraid of feeling that void and not knowing how to fill it. Do you just force yourself to hang out with people even though you don’t want to? Every time I’ve gotten “sober” (the longest period has been about 2 months since I was 13 or so and I’m 25 now), one of my most overwhelming feelings has been a sense of losing something to look forward to or no longer having something special/fun to do when I’m feeling sad, lonely or self-loathing. I know that AA meetings can be helpful with regard to just getting out and being around people who can understand what I’m going through, but there will be other times when I’m alone with myself…any suggestions for dealing with this? Thanks for reading!!

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