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- December 29, 2015 at 11:55 am#38194AnonymousInactive
I first posted this in the welcome section, seems everyone directed me to this sub forum. Anyways, here it is.
I’m a young one, turn 21 next month. At the age of 15 I was in a severe car accident, broke my pelvis in 2 places, nerve damage to both legs, and sever chronic back and leg pain. I always had pain since the accident, but at about age 18, it -really- started hurting and getting worse. After jumping through numerous hoops, obviously because of my age (when doctors see an 18 year old kid saying he’s in pain and wanting painkillers, all they look at you as is a drug seeker and an addict), but and taking about every medication used for pain other than narcotics, I was given Vicodin. Mostly because my mother was a retired nurse from the office I was getting treated at, and thanks to her I was finally given something for pain.
Anyways, after being on Vicodin for about a year and a half my dosages just kept getting bumped up and my pill count bumped up as well. Now for most addicts this would just be a wonderful thing, but I kept telling my doctor that the vicodin just wasn’t cutting it. I was taking 5 of the 10-650’s a day and I was tired of it. I knew I was addicted, and I kept begging him to put me on something I could take 2x daily at the most. And all he kept telling me was “we don’t want to put you on those kind of drugs, as they are very addicting.” And I’m sitting there thinking, wtf, and Vicodin 5 times a day at the maximum dosage isn’t addicting? Anyways, after dealing with this doctor I finally tried to find another doctor. I did, and he told me it may be a couple of my ribs were knocked out of place during the wreck and were never set and treated. And that he could try to put them back in, but told me there was no garuntee that they would stay that way, as it had been so long since the wreck, my body grew thinking thats the way it was supposed to be.
Anyways to make a much longer story short, he continued me on the vicodin, then put me on Methadone, i was on it for about 3 months, and it screwed up my bowels so much it wasn’t funny. I went 2 weeks without a bowl movement. And when I did have one it was so damn painful it wasn’t funny. So he took me off them and put me back on vicodin, anyways I no longer see this doctor either, and currently have no Primary care provider, and no insurance.
Now to the detox. After my final script of the vicodin ran out, I had been on Vicodin for about 2 years at a dose of about 5-6 10-650’s a day. And I won’t lie, I did abuse them. I took more than I was suppose to. But for the most part no more than 10 a day at the worse parts. Anyways, the last 2 weeks I tried tapering myself off, from 4 a day, to 3, to 2, to starting 1 and a half, then breaking them up in small pieces. This still didn’t help the withdrawals, and 3 days into it I knew I needed help. The main reason because I still do live at home, and both my parents are in their 60’s and on painkillers themselves. So I was detoxing, and knowing there was MScontin, Percocets, and Vicodin in the house. As an added note, it also pains me that I stole medications from my parents, including 60mgs of MSContin and 10-650’s of Percocets. When taking the morphine it was only 1-2 a day, the percocets at about the same pace as the Vicodin. However about a year ago it was awful bad, I was crushing the morphine and snorting it, and taking so many different combinations of muscle relaxers, painkillers, and benzo’s that I’m surprised I’m still here to talk to you. So I knew I needed out of the house to get help. I went to a 7-10 day detox program during the middle of September this year, and they’re they gave me Vistaril for the first 3 days, on top of Clonodine as needed 3 times a day for the entire 8 days I stayed there. Now as I said I was 3 days clean before going to detox, and I remember that on day 7, the day before I came home, my legs hurt me so damn bad I just wanted to cut them off with a chainsaw. Now remember, I have chronic pain on top of the pain from withdrawal. So I was never sure if this was withdrawl pain on top of the normal pain I always experience, or if the withdrawl pain was just so massive it was masking everything else. Everyday we saw the doctor, and I was tossed around on so many different anti-depressent meds and trazadone to help me sleep. The trazadone helped me to get to sleep, but it only lasted about 4 hours and I was back up tossing and turning, my legs aching so bad, and I was unable to get back to sleep again. I have high blood pressure as well, and the entire time I was there my BP ran around 170+/100+ And I was never given anything to calm me down or to lower my BP. Now I swear if I had been 50 I’d of been in the back of an ambulance on my way to the ER with vitals like that. But I was treated like, oh well, you’ll live.
But eventually I was taking to the ER, but not because of my BP, I beleive it was day 5 or 6 I had blood in my stool for about 6 hours until the RN on call decided to call an ambulance for me. I was taken to the ER, and that was a horrible experience. Going to the hospital coming from a detox center. They made me feel like I had just walked into a mall and shot 50 people and they just had to treat me or something. It was a horrible experience. Basically nothing was done, I laid in that bed for 8 hours and they just gave me a script for some anti-biotics and sent me back to detox. The blood in my stool stopped after they took me off some medication they had me on for depression, but the diahrea continued. Now on day 8 its like someone just flipped a switch, I still had my chest pains, my legs ached on and off, and I still had mild diareha but nothing like the past few days. I drove home, back to my house and tried to calm down and just forget about the past few days. And I can tell you this, going TO detox, I swear I was to the point of robbing a drug store just to get some medication, but after leaving, I swore I’d never touch another damn pill. I stayed clean for a month, and having the drugs here at the house with my parents just got to me, and I slipped back into stealing drugs from my parents. And around the middle of October is when I relapsed.
Here is where I’m confused. I’m 8 days into my detox this time around. I was only using for approx. 3 months this time, although 2 weeks ago I took about 80 percocets within about a week, on top of some MScontin. Just taking everything oral. I’m just sitting here thinking, I’m still so fatigued, I don’t even feel like moving, I’ve got diarhea so bad that when I get the urge to make a bowel movement nothing comes out. My legs are hurting so bad it’s not even funny, and compared to my stay at detox, minus the anxiety of being in a strange place going through that crap for the first time, it seems like things are worse this time around. And compared to what I was doing before I went to detox the 1st time, the amount of drugs and duration is nothing compared to last time.
Also, I have been on Benzodiazapines for about a year and a half, started out with Klonopin, then the moved me to ativan 4x daily. I take the Ativan because I have severe anxiety/paranoia and panic attacks/agoraphobia. Anyways I used up my supply of ativan to help with my withdrawls, so its like I’m detoxing from Benzo’s and opiates at the same time. And from what I hear detoxing from Benzo’s is almost if not worse than detoxing from Opiates.
So my question is, is it detoxing worse the more times you relapse, or is it just because I’m doing it cold turkey without the added medications to help the symptoms that I had at detox, or what. I just feel like giving up, last time around about 10-11 days into it I was back to feeling about 65-70% of normal. But I’m on day 8 now and I feel horrid. I’m doing the baths as hot as I can possibly stand it, and trying to sleep when I can, and keeping myself busy as much as I can, but with the fatigue and whatnot, I feel like I have the worse case of the flu ever. It seems the only relief I can get is the hot baths, and it will calm my legs down a bit for maybe an hour or two, then it comes right back. I’ve also been covering myself in Iceyhot and using heating pads and electric blankets to keep myself as warm as possible, but that is hard as well because I’m breaking out into cold sweats, and having hot and cold flashes more times than I can count.
My biggest concern is, I’m starting college the 10th of January, and if I’m still feeling like this by then, there is no way I’ll be able to start. And the money I’ve already spent, and the preperation will of been for nothing. I feel so disgusted with myself its not even funny. So the problem of getting out of the house with the medications in it will be taken care of, but if I’m not at least back to somewhat normal by the 10th of next month I’m just **** outa luck.
And going to the ER is out of the question for me, I already have bills racked up from being out of work and having no insurance. I’m currently an EMT, and I’m going to college for my BSN, and the last thing I need to do is walk into an area hospital where I planned on working saying I’m detoxing from opiates. That’d look good later down the road when I’m asking that hospital for a job.
I just feel like breaking down and crying myself to sleep. I’m just so upset with myself that I’d let myself slip and go through this again. And it just seems to be so much worse this time around.
**Edit from first post**
Its day 9 now, I slept a bit better than last night. Still wasn’t able to stay asleep for more than a few hours at a time. Went to bed about 8 PM, woke up at 11, fell back asleep some time around 12, woke back up around 2, fell back asleep around 3. And woke up again at 6 AM, and this time I was just up for good.
Had my first solid bowl movement this morning, which is surprising. My appatite has gone almost completely, for the past week I’ve been limited to Saltine crackers and giner ale for fluids. I’ve managed to stomach a little solid food, but nothing compared to a “proper” meal. I’ve started taking multi-vitamins as of yesterday, seems to help a bit. And for a few days until I ran out was taking Immodium, that helped with the diarhea for the first few days.
I’m hoping that this is starting to get better, and I’m on the downhill stretch of the worst part of the withdrawls.
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