- This topic has 20 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 19, 2013 at 8:35 pm#31024AnonymousInactive
I have been sober for almost five months. I haven’t been going to meeting. Sometimes when I feel like I might slip, I go to a meeting. I feel I have been doing very well. My father and I don’t speak much anymore and when we do speak he doesn’t believe I’m sober. No one does. When people talk to me they always ask “Did you drink yet” or “When are you going to drink again” as if no one believes in me. I’m at the point now where I don’t want to talk to anyone. Has anyone else dealt with this?September 19, 2013 at 8:49 pm#161404AnonymousInactive
All the time. “When are you going to drink again”? I just say “Someday”. Someday works quite well as it makes these dream stealers happy to hear. I was going to quit someday too. I put it off and put it off because “someday” means just that.
In time people will believe you but trust can be hard to come by when people have been conditioned not to trust or believe you.
So far you haven’t let me down, so if it helps, I believe in you!
Keep up the good work, nobody ever said this was fast and easy!September 19, 2013 at 8:52 pm#161390AnonymousInactive
Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings
Sure have but I found a solution that worked for me.
I did it for myself and don’t let what others think get to me.
What I had realized is people were asking such questions because they are waiting for me to be who I was… the old me would have repeated things just as they expected.
When we give away our trust, it takes time to gain it back. People need time and it is well worth the time to give them. When you reach a point that they start saying Wow…that long? You are starting to see “them” change.
I knew in my heart that the day I said no more was a final commitment…I know that but I still had to prove it to others…they need time. Actions over time speak because our words over the past were never followed through with.
Congratulations on your days collected. 5 months is a great start. Way to Go!September 19, 2013 at 8:54 pm#161391AnonymousInactive
First congratulations on nearly 5 months. That’s awesome.
I think some people took longer to accept that I had actually made a true commitment to sobriety than others. What I began to see was that it really didn’t matter that much if other people believed that I wasn’t drinking as long as I knew I wasn’t drinking. It took me a while to get this because I had spent so many years trying to convince people I was one thing when I was actually something else and I looked to their response to see how well I was pulling the wool over their eyes.
I’m not in recovery to live up to other people’s expectations and as long as I’m not lying, I don’t really need to worry too much about what others think.
Short form: to thy ownself be true?September 19, 2013 at 9:38 pm#161393AnonymousInactive
i’m not an alcoholic, but am an al-anonian. when my xh would get sober, i was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. the sheer anxiety was of his being sober was overwhelming….although above anything else, i wanted him to be sober.
it was so hard to forget all the past events. i wanted to trust him, but we had been through this so many times. al-anon helped me with this issue so that i didn’t project my expectations on him, and to live one day at a time with his sobriety.
it is said so often…..actions, not words. it’s tough for both sides involved because of all the wreckage in the past.
please, just believe in yourself…..others will come around in time. don’t let their actions dictate your sobriety.
5 months is awesome!!!!!!! congratulations! and just keep on, keepin on……it doesn’t matter what others think…..when you lie down each night, you know you have another day sober and that is totally wonderful.
sounds like the close ones in your family need to go to al-anon.
best of everything to you, dear
jeriSeptember 19, 2013 at 9:45 pm#161394AnonymousInactive
Hey jeri, thanks for venturing over here and sharing your experience with the Alcoholics. Muchas gracias! :a194:September 19, 2013 at 9:53 pm#161395AnonymousInactive
@findingout 1490823 wrote:
Short form: to thy ownself be true?
Exactly. Although one of my goals in recovery is to be accountable, there’s really only one person I have to answer to when it comes to my sobriety, and that’s me, myself, and I. I need daily meetings, but that’s just my program, not anyone else’s.
And as long as I’m true to myself, I can live a spiritual life and find peace in embracing the 12 Steps.
Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings, lcuphook, nice to meet you!September 20, 2013 at 12:11 am#161406AnonymousInactive
One thing I learned in my IOP program was to change the things in your life that may make you want to drink, etc. Even if that means avoiding your best friends and family. One reason to go to meetings is to be with people and make new friends that won’t constantly say “did you get hammered lately?”. Having said that, I am not much of a meeting person myself. But I do get a lot of support from ALL of the people around me.
Congrats on the 5 months! Find some supportive friends.September 20, 2013 at 12:33 am#161388AnonymousInactive
Hi and Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings!
Well done on your sober days
Keep in focus and cotinue to win over alcoholSeptember 20, 2013 at 12:40 am#161407AnonymousInactive
I agree with Best.
Do it for yourself.. You wont always have the support you want but the point is, is that you do have support. And people do believe in you. Your staying sober for yourself and not for other people. Just keep it up stay strong and whats ment to happen will happen.September 20, 2013 at 12:46 am#161402AnonymousInactive
See below.September 20, 2013 at 12:48 am#161403AnonymousInactive
We teach people how to treat us.If we spend a lifetime of being not worthy of anyones trust it will take time to get that trust back.You are on the right path.Do what you have to for yourself.Most of the time our loved ones will come around.We have to have faith in them just like we want them to have faith in us.September 20, 2013 at 7:43 am#161392AnonymousInactive
You know, there’s people who go to meetings …
and then there’s people who work the Porgram of Alcholics Anonymous.
The people who go to meetings … I dunno.
But I *do* know – the people who work the Program, I’m talking the ones who get a sponsor, work the steps, in order, as they’re intended …
regain their reputations.
Reunite with their families.
Get their jobs (or better ones) back …
They repair. They heal. They change.
They don’t have tro have anyone tell them they’re okay.
That’s how the Program works.
You know. From the inside out.
You know you’ve done the right thing.
The others … I dunno.
I can’t speak for them.
But I know what I see in the Rooms.
AA is not the only way-
it’s just the only way that worked for me.
It’s the only way I know.September 20, 2013 at 9:46 am#161400AnonymousInactive
I am speaking on the side of the people who do not believe you. My husband has been sober 6 months living in a halfway house. I have used this time to work on myself,and am finally truly understanding the sickness alcoholism brings to people and their loved ones. I am still afraid if I let him back in my heart will be broken again.I cannot go back to the place I was at. Although he seems to have embraced sobriety this time I still have my guard up. Time will tell if he is fully committed to sobriety,so far his actions are meeting his words and slowly I am letting myself believe he will do it this time. The hurt we codependents felt in active addiction tore our souls apart. I wish you luck keep your spirits up and live your sober life the best you can others will see in your actions you are committed.September 20, 2013 at 9:57 am#161396AnonymousInactive
Ihupcook congrats on the 5 months, that is big!!!!
As others have said you know the truth, forget what others may say or think, or even what you think they think.
With time they will all see the change in you.
I’m at the point now where I don’t want to talk to anyone. Has anyone else dealt with this?
In sobriety no, when I was drinking that was my life.
My road to recovery has been filled with supportive understanding people, early in my recovery 99% of these people I found in the rooms, these people knew what was going on in my head, they had been where I was at, they gave me that simple warm smile, firm hand shake, a hug, words of encouragement & understanding. They shared (still do) with me how they got through the tough times.
ihupcook I do not know your story, I know that I spent years and years telling people in my family I was going to quit drinking or I had quit drinking and always wound up drinking again.
I have learned that actions speak far louder then words, the longer I stayed sober and the more I changed as I worked the steps the more people who had no faith in me started to see the changes in me.
For me I was the same person drunk or sober until I started changing by working the steps, people noticed more changes in me as a person then they noticed if I was drinking or not.
Do not isolate, hang out with people who do support you, those that discourage you are not being helpful at all, just stay sober and keep on working on your self.
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