- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 11 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 12, 2008 at 4:53 am#34133AnonymousInactive
I’m afraid what I say might encourage someone to pick up again, so I’m just giving a warning. If you’re feeling a bit weak, maybe better not to read this.
I was sober and going to AA meetings for 7 years. I was really into AA and volunteered for 2 years at the AA phone service/help center in my town. I used to have drinking nightmares, waking in a cold sweat, before I realized it was just a dream, and I was still sober! I was a sobriety Nazi and even made my husband stop drinking. No booze in our house!
Won’t bore you with why, but I started drinking again, about 8 years ago. And guess what! The sky didn’t fall, my life didn’t collapse.
Sober or not sober, I’ve never had a DUI or a car accident. I’ve never caused anyone harm by my drinking (though my family is worried about me). I’m self-employed, so my job isn’t effected. I never get drunk, I just maintain a certain level by drinking all night (and sometimes start in the morning). My family considers it normal to have a sherry or 2 before lunch, and cocktails before dinner and wine with dinner. So I follow the family pattern and I know I’m an alchie. Problem is, my life is not unmanageable.
I’ve heard the term “functioning alcoholic”, so I guess that’s what I am. I’ve learned enough in rehab and in the rooms to teach this stuff. I know all the facts, like “this is a progressive illness”. But so far, I seem to be maintaining at this level without any bad repercussions.
I read other people’s stories, which only makes it worse for me cuz I think I’m not as bad as they are, so maybe I don’t need to stop. I know this is denial.
All this being said, I’ve decided to check in to a rehab and try again. I have no health insurance so there goes $$$$. But I need help, cuz so far the denial is winning. My heart wants to stop drinking, but my head and my heart don’t agree.
Thx for reading. Appreciate your thoughts.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.