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    Anonymous
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    I’m afraid what I say might encourage someone to pick up again, so I’m just giving a warning. If you’re feeling a bit weak, maybe better not to read this.

    I was sober and going to AA meetings for 7 years. I was really into AA and volunteered for 2 years at the AA phone service/help center in my town. I used to have drinking nightmares, waking in a cold sweat, before I realized it was just a dream, and I was still sober! I was a sobriety Nazi and even made my husband stop drinking. No booze in our house!

    Won’t bore you with why, but I started drinking again, about 8 years ago. And guess what! The sky didn’t fall, my life didn’t collapse.

    Sober or not sober, I’ve never had a DUI or a car accident. I’ve never caused anyone harm by my drinking (though my family is worried about me). I’m self-employed, so my job isn’t effected. I never get drunk, I just maintain a certain level by drinking all night (and sometimes start in the morning). My family considers it normal to have a sherry or 2 before lunch, and cocktails before dinner and wine with dinner. So I follow the family pattern and I know I’m an alchie. Problem is, my life is not unmanageable.

    I’ve heard the term “functioning alcoholic”, so I guess that’s what I am. I’ve learned enough in rehab and in the rooms to teach this stuff. I know all the facts, like “this is a progressive illness”. But so far, I seem to be maintaining at this level without any bad repercussions.

    I read other people’s stories, which only makes it worse for me cuz I think I’m not as bad as they are, so maybe I don’t need to stop. I know this is denial.

    All this being said, I’ve decided to check in to a rehab and try again. I have no health insurance so there goes $$$$. But I need help, cuz so far the denial is winning. My heart wants to stop drinking, but my head and my heart don’t agree.

    Thx for reading. Appreciate your thoughts.

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