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    I first came on these boards about 4 years ago when I was 25. Surprise surprise I’ve continued drinking but things have basically got worse, and I’m very conscious I’m not getting any younger. I posted the following as a private message to an 12 Step National Meetings friend (who I’ve been in touch with the whole time) and she suggested posting it here and seeing what response I get. I feel at a pretty low ebb right now and any opinions are welcome. Thank you in advance…

    “The thing is…when I first came on 12 Step National Meetings and posted, and was in touch with you a lot (was looking at some of my old PMs to you, quite an interesting insight!) I was obsessed with the whole issue – I couldn’t believe I was an A, I thought about it the whole time, I used to read biographies of famous people who were etc. etc. Now I just don’t care. I don’t find the whole issue interesting or anything…I just want to be well again. I’m not even despairing or asking why me? I’m just drinking. A lot. And altho I said I was frightened before, I don’t think I’m nearly frightened enough.

    So posting on 12 Step National Meetings seems irrelevant [sorry…]. I can’t even honestly say if I want to stop drinking or not…I’m too numb. I guess on some level I do want it to end. I think maybe the consistency of my drinking at the moment is possibly inducing a slight depression, who knows.

    I think, on balance, 90 in 90 is a more sensible idea than rehab at the moment.”

    Any messages, especially from people who’ve been thro similar phases, are very welcome. I reaaally want to stop, and am 100% convinced I’m an alcoholic (I know that’s hard for many to understand, as the moment they accepted it was the moment they stopped). I just can’t get out of this rut. Prior to my heavy drinking I was, I hope, reasonably successful etc. I’m very ambitious and increasingly frustrated by not being in a position to have any success. This is a major issue for me…and maybe a spur to stop drinking. Or maybe not. As I say, opinions welcome!

    thanks for reading,


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