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    once again i find myself on a journey that never ends. 2 rounds of cancer lots of hydrocodone and kicked it 4 a year. round 3 with cancer is finished and i have been on oxy 30 6 times a day for 5 years but of course all the addicts out there know that is never enough and spend all our money to get more. I have tried withdrawing and tapering so many time but cant kick it . Today is day 4 no oxy no xanax. I wish i could just close my eyes and die. I have not ate, it all comes back out very quickly one end or the other, my skin is crawling, The pain is intense and in spots that there is nothing wrong with i keep getting electrial shocks through out my body and my face feels like it does after an imatrex shot(flushed creepy crawly tight). I am so scared Bf doesnt know he thinks i have the flue and its taking everything i have to type this out. I can feel emotion again one minute i cry next im not I asked my doctor to take me off them but he said i would be taking them the rest of my life. I will not live my life around a pill any more I am so tired of it all Sometimes I wish the cancer had taken me out cause living a life of addiction hurts way more.

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