- This topic has 21 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.
- August 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm#27700AnonymousInactive
i have a difficult choice to make …. i need some input!
my husbands cousin (who we are very close with) is turning 40 this weekend, and there is going to be a large family party…. with alcohol! i’m only on day 9 and i don’t know if i feel strong enough to go! it does seem to be getting easier to live without alcohol, but i also haven’t been around it. plus i know of one person who will be there, my sister in law, who i’ve drank alot with in the past. she doesn’t know i’ve stopped, and i know she’ll be offering me shots, beer, etc…. i don’t know what to do! :hypnotize
my husband said i could just tell everyone i’m on a diet, and not drinking… i did go to a christmas party last year for my husbands work, and didn’t drink, and it was easy (because i didn’t want to embarass him!) – but there weren’t people there who were offering me drinks! i’m just worried about my sister in law – who will be offering me liquor as soon as i walk through the door … should i go and or just skip this one?
FallGirlAugust 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm#106799AnonymousInactive
well, I say go. But the first time you are offered, tell whomever it is that you aren’t drinking tonight…then ask for a coke. Smile big and proud because you are taking your life back.August 16, 2012 at 8:06 pm#106805AnonymousInactive
If it were me, and I wasn’t sure? I would not even think of chancing it.
My doc was meth, but I’ve missed a TON of parties, nightclubs, etc. etc.
etc. because I didn’t feel I was strong enough if I saw it there.
My key to staying off the meth has always been, Whatever it takes.
One day you will be strong enough, but you’ve got to get to that point first.
Just my .2 cents.
I wish you luck with whatever your decision is.
DWIAugust 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm#106813AnonymousInactive
If there is any way to get out of going, I would. I have 60 days today, but I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and I was only able to stay for about an hour and a half. I just couldn’t take all the alcohol around me.August 16, 2012 at 8:52 pm#106807AnonymousInactive
Make sure your husband is on your side with whatever decision you make so he can help at the party. It’s so much better to have someone to confide in when things get tough. Have a phone number of someone you can call to talk about your feelings or just to escape for a few minutes and regroup. Most importantly, accept the fact that you can leave at any time. There is nothing that says you have to go or that you have to stay a certain length of time. You’ll know better than anyone here whether or not you’re comfortable with the situation. Have fun, and stay strong.August 16, 2012 at 9:05 pm#106798AnonymousInactive
I tried that early on in sobriety and it was awful for me. I was so angry the whole evening, and upset about everything. I didn’t drink, BUT, the next day I went out and drank a lot!
I also tried the idea of saying ‘Oh, I can’t drink tonight, I’m on antibiotics” or something like that. Lying didn’t feel good either. Sobriety is all about honesty.
I wouldn’t go if it were me, but if you do go, be prepared. As C’est said, have your husband on your side and have someone you can call or somewhere you go to get away.August 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm#106814AnonymousInactive
Fallgirl–you have young kids too, right? Don’t know if it would work for you but here’s what I did at a recent party–showed up to say hello, said I had babysitter issues so I couldn’t stay long. When they asked me what I wanted to drink, I said [my husband] went for it. I had my husband go get me a drink (club soda with lime). Then, I walked around for about an hour. If I would have been asked, I planned to say I was so tired and didn’t want to drink especially since I had to leave so early. But no one even noticed. My husband was supportive–but he drank at the party. We made an appearance and simply ducked out early. I was really scared to go and really didn’t want to go, but I did and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.
Hope this helps.
Oh yeah, I had some numbers handy in case I needed them.
Good luck in your decision. You will do the right thing for you!August 16, 2012 at 9:44 pm#106816AnonymousInactive
No, I actually don’t have any kids!
I’m leaning toward going ONLY because my husband is going, and I discussed my concerns with him earlier, and I know he’ll be supportive of me, whatever I decide.
It’s not even that I really have a problem saying no, when I first met his family I didn’t drink at the family functions because I was self concious about my drinking, and didn’t want to embarass myself or hubby. so i know if i say “no thanks” or sip on a coke, no ones gonna say anything!
Its’ just my sister in law – we’ve drank many a time together (often sneaking off somewhere during the party to do shots) and i know she still drinks heavily. we’ve always been kind of “partners in crime” at family functions…. so she’s the only one I’m really worried about!
thank you all for your advice and support – it means alot to me!
FallGirlAugust 16, 2012 at 11:23 pm#106800AnonymousInactive
no advice to offer FallGirl but know that I am here to support you
in your choice……(((FallGirl)))August 17, 2012 at 12:44 am#106806AnonymousInactive
Some great suggestions, but that SIL with the history you 2 share is a tough call. Maybe you could just be honest with her? Would that be possible? Before the day of the party?
If not, then you could deflect tension and attention away from your not drinking by doing some of the things Scootinbabe suggested. Sounds like, after not too long, she (sister-in-law, not Scootinbabe, lol!) will be in her cups and will not be paying any attention to who’s drinking what. Then you will blend right in.
I think you will feel better if you go to wish him a happy 40th, but don’t feel obliged to stay a second longer than you are comfortable with.August 17, 2012 at 1:06 am#106817AnonymousInactive
ya know the funny thing is – outside of occasional family parties or bbq’s we never see each other, we don’t even really talk that much – just drink like fishes when we see each other! she’s actually only been in the family for about a year.
my fear is that she’ll be drinking (without question) and that when she offers me, i’ll say no thanks – and then she’ll draw attention to us by stuff like “come on – have a shot!” and keep pestering me – i’m not worried about anyone else there – they won’t say anything if i drink or not!
as i write this – i find it actually kind of disgusting that i have a relationship with someone based soley on drinking!
FallGirlAugust 17, 2012 at 1:34 am#106810AnonymousInactive
Why don’t you say that you’ve quit to her? Or you’re on a cleanse or something?
Also there is just the option of not going. If you’re not ready. You’re not ready.August 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm#106808AnonymousInactive
HI FG, my advice is simple, if you doubt your ability to resist your sis in law, don’t go. In early sobriety you have to ever vigilant to watch for triggers… she sounds like a real hot trigger to me.
If you do go, have a plan to get out of the difficult situ of her by always having a non alcoholic drink in your hand… i.e. something that looks alcoholic but isn’t… coke in a glad with cubes works for me… go to the bathroom suddenly to get away when the offers are hot… seek the company of others that will help you resist her overtures… etc.
Peace, Levi.August 17, 2012 at 3:11 pm#106815AnonymousInactive
hey–do you have a dog? 😉
kids do come in handy sometimes–lol!
good luck with your decision and whatever you do. keep us posted.August 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm#106801AnonymousInactiveLovingMom wrote:well, I say go. But the first time you are offered, tell whomever it is that you aren’t drinking tonight…then ask for a coke. Smile big and proud because you are taking your life back.
You say go???? Why?
Why on earth would someone who finally stops drinking after it has destroyed so much of their life,…”play with fire” so early in recovery? Why even go around the stuff? Especially at only nine days sober?
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