Im about a month and a half away from a cake and ive already made my mind up that im gonna relapse the day after. I cant seem to remember why i quit i have my list of bad things that happened to me and im still wanting to relapse. I know my girlfriend is going to leave me, i know it will be hard to face my friends and family after relapsing, and i know im throwing away alot but im just so sick of not being able to drink. I think my biggest problem is that i enjoy my sickness i enjoy feeling bad and its a lot easier to do that drunk than sober. I have already talked to a physiologist about this but he doesnt seem to get it i was hoping maybe someone else in recovery has faced this and can point me away from throwing away all of my hard work? thanks