Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Alcohol Abuse Please tell me if these are "red flags"

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    Anonymous
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    Hello, All–I usually post on Friends and Family threads, as my husband of 27 years is divorcing me now and, although I am getting good help in my own co-dependent recovery, I still have questions about his use of alcohol and the effects on his and all our lives. I also have 4 grown and nearly-grown children about whom I am concerned.

    For example, in couples’ counseling (now ended), I listed alcohol as a “barrier to our relationship”. He was very defensive and our counselor asked him if he thought he has a problem with alcohol. He said, “No, I do those on-line quizzes all the time and come out just fine. And because of my family history (father, grandfather and 3 of my husband’s 6 siblings A’s) I watch it very carefully because I never want to have to quit drinking.” Red flag?

    He admits depression re many issues, including his father’s A behavior, but is divorcing me because, I “have abandoned him, God has abandoned him and if he can get away from me, after a period of self-loathing, he will be happy.”
    Of the six in our family, 4 of us are getting help through various forms of counseling. My husband is one of the two who is not (although 2 professionals have encouraged him to unburden and heal).

    He admits using alcohol to self-medicate, but says his excessive drinking in the past few years is my fault, because he doesn’t want to come home to me.

    Asking those of you who have been there: Do these feelings, statements sound familiar? I am trying to educate myself about this condition to better understand the thinking and the warning signs. Thanks for any help you can offer.

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