So I really want to use. But somethings stopping me. It might be the fact that I have no contacts anymore. I cut those people out of my life. But I really need to use. I’ve been clean about a year and a half now. But i just don’t want it. I’m so ashamed of everything I’ve done. I have soo much guilt. I may have been clean this past year and a half but I still act like an addict, I’m just not using. I know I’m giving up, and taking the easy way out, but that’s what I feel I need right now. ughh i hate alcohol, it’s all i got tho. i need to find a dealer soon. I’m not posting this to get attention or anything. I just need to get this out. I feel that I have no other way out.