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    There is me, I’m insane, it never ends, when Im awake, even though sobriety is in my head, and i try to act normal, there is that part inside of me, I cant control that sudden lightning, when I see the road where I used to drive to buy blow, it triggers me to that memory, and I rewind the tape, and play it over my head, with my clean wife next to me, she can never understands.
    Im done, I dont want to be in the fire anymore, that life of abuse has left me with scars. Horrible! I went to a indian restaurant with my family, and I was the only one with the runny nose, I felt like every person eating there was going to tell me that i was disgusting, my nose cosntantly running. NASTY.

    Then, the’re is my situation, with a lawsuit in process I had the right of way in an intersection, but this ******* dashed in front of me trying to turn left I hit him going 45, even though I was sober, I had blow in my body, and it was in my head, since I was going to buy it when it happened. My lawyer says I might have investigators following me around, (the other party are denying fault) in order not to pay for my ambulance ride, the x-rays done at the hospital and the surgery that followed where they put a metal plate in my arm, something reduction it’s called, anyways, I have been in ****** over, with no car, my finances were hittin rock bottom…I STILL DID DRUGS!! how stupid was that, with my cast on, and in a rental car, its sad, full of tears, how my life and many addicts, life is full of regrets, WE COULD HAVE DONE BETTER.

    My future is unknown, if you’re this far reading i thank you, it helps me in an unthinkable way, just to realize that my life is like this due to my actions, if I wouldnt have gone to buy drugs that tuesday morning, I would not have had the accident, I would still have my job and be in school. who knows, Im going to el salvador, my country of origin, to get healthy, maybe for 2 or 3 months residential, which would be my first time. IT MAKES ME HAPPY, FINALLY IM DOING THINGS RIGHT. Im excited, I will come back, for my unborn baby, I will be here to feed my baby, and to give him what my life did not have, so he never takes drugs. :bounce

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