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    After reading a lot of peoples opinions and hearing that in order to stay sober from opiates it’s probably best to stay sober from everything else as well, I finally decided that I don’t want pot in my life anymore and need to start growing up a little more. I recently turned 20 so I don’t consider myself a ‘teenager’ anymore :P.. also I guess you could say I kinda had an epiphany four days ago. I was hanging out with my ‘best friends’ as I called them back then, and once again, they screwed me over without any thought to what they could be doing to me, or how it could be making me feel(and this was after I just did one of them a favor to), I can’t believe I thought these guys were my best friends. They really don’t give a **** about me at all!! And the more weed I had in my pockets, the more respect I’d get and the more I’d hear from them. But if I didn’t have any weed I literally wouldn’t even hear a peep from them. Besides not being able to have true friends in life, and at the same time probably not being able to be anyone elses true friend (because of the weed), I also realized that I wasn’t even getting high anymore, and instead all my days were filled with a bunch of negativity, compared to life before pot, so what was the point? It wasn’t even benefiting me, and I have a strong enough sleeping pill that I don’t even need to smoke at night anymore. Plus I couldn’t even remember any of my days, years went by smoking pot and what did I accomplish? NOTHING. So I decided I can’t do this anymore, I was spending sometimes $30-$60 a day on pot, sometimes more. Ally my money would go towards it, and I would spend a cheque that’s suposed to last me a month, in four days. So four days ago I told my mom what I’m doing, what my plans are, and I gave her everything you can think of related to pot that I owned. Including my $800 volcano! Also I deleted all my druggy ‘friends’ from facebook and my phone and made a new facebook without anything about drugs mentioned on it, this way I’m not even taking the chance of being reminded of any drugs. I figured a clean start, why not have a clean facebook as well. Also I took down all the weed posters and everything related in my room. So yesterday was my third day off pot! The longest I’ve stopped in at least 7 months! And I was LOVING every second.. Buut, my brother was having a social last night for his wedding, so I ended up drinking(first time in over a year).. and I got pretty wasted. Before last night I was feeling so awesome about it all, so much better than I have been in months, but I was feeling a little sick from the alcohol, and my body was still adjusting to a methadone wean that I did about two weeks ago, so I got dropped off at the house while my parents were still there. To make a long story short, my moms room was open and low and behold there was the bag of stuff I gave her, not even hidden.. so I opened it, took out one of the pipes and smoked about .1.. that I managed to scrape together from the grinder(where the crystals used to be). And yes it did help me feel a little bit less sick for a little.. But after I burnt out and overall I felt so much shittier than these past couple days have been, and I was really pissed at myself :(.. it’s like I was arguing with my brain whether or not I should smoke before it all happened, part of me didn’t want to, but my brain just wouldn’t shutup, and usually when I’m sober none of this is really a problem at all, I’m in more control.. today coulda been day four without pot, DAMNNN.. But at least it was only .1 … Right when I woke up I felt so stupid because I didn’t even feel like smoking anymore(I wasn’t drunk anymore).. I told my mom everything today though, gave her back the pipe and am gonna continue on this sober path. I wanna have things together by the time I’m 30. So note to self: DON’T drink alcohol either, I guess it’s a gateway drug for me as well. I dont really even like being drunk anyways. Everything happens for a reason though(IMO), and I’m glad I found out that I can’t drink alcohol, while I was still on methadone.. because if I drank once I am finally off the methadone I can imagine there being a chance that I could relapse on opiates and think nothing of it because of all the stupid alcohol and my lowered inhibitions. I can’t wait to be on day 3 without pot again.. and at least it was only a one day relapse and not a week binge. Plus todays saturday so by the time the weekends over, I’ll be feeling verrryyy on top of things!(I woud think) Thanks for all your advice everyone! 🙂

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