So I have been sober 11 days. I am thankful. I am also very aware that drinking was only a symptom to a much bigger problem. Well o.k I haven’t just become aware but for some reason this time is very different. Maybe it’s total acceptance of being an alcoholic and knowing I can not drink again. I was naive earlier this winter when I quit, I thought I could stay sober on my own sheer good intended will..well you all know how that goes. That is why AA is and will be the only way for me, because drinking was a symptom to a much bigger “thinking” problem I have.

I have mood swings, I am high strung, I have been highly anxious my entire life and most importantly I have been in DENIAL for a very long time about all this. My biggest fear was that I would be labeled “crazy” and avoided believing I had any mental issues, and that I could fake my way better…ya right. Now I know this isn’t going away, and I can’t drink to fake it, or escape from it. I know I need to face reality and get myself to a therapist and really deal with me.

I guess I am feeling down tonight, could be for many reasons, but I am starting to think when last year when someone from CR told me once you stop drinking is when the s**T really hits the fan was yes indeedy very right.

So BIG BRICK WALL here I come..wish me all some luck, My AAer aunty wrote a message in the BIG Book, which is “Sometimes you gotta tear down, in order to build back up” well wall it’s time to tear down…

All have a very blessed sober weekend.

peace.