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- March 17, 2016 at 9:48 pm#38828AnonymousInactive
I wanted to just write a quick post to those that have contacted me here over the years (and they number a couple coming here -the years that is)..
To those of you that have posted to me or taken the time in chat , I wanted to say thankyou for the advice and support and the spirit in which they were given.
However I have wanted to come across to some on here it appears I seem to have blundered a few times esp in chat – I wanted to apologise to anyone I have offended whilst explaining that I do have a tendancy to jump right in
:react and that the stigma of heroin must make me a sometimes unwelcome addition – when you consider that its taken me two yrs coming here -its not surprising that disbelief might come into the equation.. and heroin addicts are well practised liars heh..
I just wanted those whom I have spoken to esp to know I have only ever wanted to help like I have been – so pls if you find me annoying just know I come from the heart, do not want to upset anyone and would like you to feel free to let me know if you think I need to ease off..
For those who don’t know me – I am an x-heroin addict who after a 23 day clean time slipped , then had another clean time from the 3rd to yesterday of this month… this after having been back on heroin for the last 3 yrs (with a few failed attempts along the way – I say back on heroin because over a 14 yr period I have only had 8 of them clean).
So here I am day 1 again but feeling very much like I havent fallen far and that 2 days out of 37 could be a whole lot worse.
I do feel twitchy and anxious but I think/know this is par for the course.
For those that beg me to attend meetings -I did for the last month in London while I was staying there -however my exboyfriend has I think finally given me the nudge I ‘really’ needed – while I went through the worst part of my detox -he sat in front of me telling me how great his life was all the while hitting on a crack pipe… I realised that even clean from heroin wasn’t enough for me.. I didn’t want ANY users of hard drugs in my life.
I am gutted it took that because I care for him greatly but I am now back home in Devon and trying my best to find the right support for me (there are very few resources in our area) but I will find something and in the mean time I hope I can return here..
So for those (in chat esp) who have offered me advice in the past, for those that have written to me, and to those that have taken me screwloose through the early hours here (6 hrs time diff helps alot!! lol)..
I’m hoping this is taken in the right way
I’ll be forever trying..(scuse the joke)
I’m grateful for all of you
light up the dark
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