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- September 20, 2015 at 5:12 pm#37464AnonymousInactive
i have posted on this site a month or so ago..but in a different section..i thought if i post here- i can get more insite from recovering addicts on helping me understand…what happends in the minds of users -i need to understand and put this behind me… a brief brief summary ..of my story …
met the man of my dreams 2 years ago..he chased me beyond belief. wined and dined me and became the focal point of my life..and he made me feel like i was the only one on this planet..he was the sweetest kindest loving guy-i had ever met..he was very aggressive with moving foreward fast,and i being a turtle in love relationships took it slow-he wanted me to move in after only months of dating….he quickly introduced me to his wonderful family and friends and neighbors..and wanted to meet mine.. i was slow to introduce beucase when i did it meant serious stuff..and i hadnt quite got there just yet…
not knowing a thing about addiction or crack -i was super naiive to it all.. however i saw strange signs that alerted me- he couldnt hold a steady job,he slept through the day and started to be unreachable by phone in the evenings, not answering or shutting it off completely…he would call with a believable story-and i believed- why would nt i-
the dispappearances started… started to get more frequent and longer- a full day and night.. i worried and worried -he would call with a believable story i believed..
he got a broken jaw, the story was he was cutting a tree for fire wood- and the tree fell- this started to get scary for me.. i had apprehensions but took care of him for months with his wired jaw-feeding him and taking care of him..
the craziest disappearance happend into month 6- three days and night not a word-i went nuts! i didnt sleep or eat for 3 days myself- all i thought of was that he was dead..i had no clue where he was or what could have happend…..i spoke to friends and they were stumped -i had one friend who had been dealing with a addict-she said ‘he is on a binge!” i didnt even know what that was! at age 35 i was like a kid- clueless!
he finally surfaced…and the only thing i could think of was thank god he is alive nothing else mattered we could get through! this- i cried like a baby on the phone.. i asked him straight out is it drugs -he denied it… life went on and he was fine for a weeks -lavished me with love and swooned over me-bringing me flowers to work and calling me a zillion times a day to say hello-he loved me…..but soon the lies and disappearing, moodiness,and acusations woud soon kick in-
with out any warning he told me he was convicted of driving without license-and that he was convicted to four months in jail..i was destroyed how could he have sprung this on me how where we going to get through it- well his charisma and charming ways even got the sentence down to four months of jail on weekends only- so he worked during the week and went to jail an hr out of town for 3 days on weekends-it was very tough- we never saw each other -just tons of texts and phone calls..i supported him trhough all of this..the lastday before release-i was so exstatic thinking a new life for us we could start fresh…. he called on his way home..on the train so happy the four months was done! we chatted and he promised to call -within an hr and today 4 months later-not a word…….devastated i am yes but i am accepting the fact he is gone -chose another path with me not on that path! my heart ached for months-and i just couldnt accept that he did this to me.. and just so yu guys know- no he isnt in jail or missing- i know that for a fact- he literally vanished-left me high and dry……………
my question to the recoveringaddicts on this site… is ‘ when in acctive addiction where you able to just forget people.. as if they never existed?
( we were planning a future, a family..he talked about this constantly) did any of this really truely have any depth to it or was it all words? i just cant accept that it was all BS!
When in acctive addiction -is the drug-crack so insanely addictive that you do chose the drug over anyone and anything..is the pull that insane?
please help me understand it?so i can close this sad and tragic two year chapter of my life- i loved this man.. i woud have stuck by him but he didnt want help.. many times he would be so remorseful after a binge-promising to get help-this was after he admitted to having a problem..but saying he had it under control,but he never seeked help he lied to me about it
iff you can give me some incite through the eyes of an addict i would be so so appreciative…thank you so much ….
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