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    Well, I had a nice little relapse…a 5 day alcohol/weed binge, to be exact. Skipped meetings last week and was basically a worthless human being in both my friendships and job – I barely got around to feeding my dog.

    Today is the first day back on that proverbial wagon and all I can think about is that I have no idea what to do when I get home. I don’t know what to do with myself. And I’m realizing that I have absolutely no clue how to be alone and not do anything. I can’t just sit at home and be by myself…I have to be using and/or doing something allllll the time. I feel restless and frankly, a little bit scared to go home because I just don’t know what I’m going to do. It feels as if a dear friend who is always waiting at home for me died and won’t be there anymore. I know that there are things I *could* do when I get home: knit, read, do crosswords…but underneath that, there’s just this itchy feeling that won’t go away – like those things just won’t quite be enough and I’m going to be…stuck with myself. Anybody know what I’m talking about?? (ha, don’t feel bad if you don’t, I’m not 100% sure even I know what I’m trying to describe)

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