I’ve been in recovery a little over two years. Three weeks ago I relapsed/overdosed in a suicide attempt. Looking over the proceeding months I see some of the behaviors and slips in my recovery behavior that led to my relapse. Stubborness and pride are two major ones. I am feeling pretty discouraged now, half determined and half like “what’s the use”.
I realize that one of the things I must do is to be active here. I need the insights, support, and honesty of other recovering addicts. I don’t feel like I’ve thrown it ALL away, but I surely put a lot of what I learned aside, and sure enough, my addict behavior roared to life once again.
So, here I am. Putting one foot in front of the other. Wondering why it’s so hard to do what I know will give me my life back, a life worth living. I had forgotten how stubborn and resentful I can be, and I wonder why those things are SO hard to put down. Harder, for sure than putting down the drugs themselves.