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  • #30967
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m worried about having a relapse. I’ve been going to meetings almost every day.

    Here’s some stuff that makes me concerned:
    – I recently connected with some old friends from university… and my mind started working (in the bad way that my mind sometimes works). Next thing I know I’m missing the “good times”.
    – I’m getting increased drinking thoughts.
    – I’m under a large amount of stress right now, and I’m not very happy.
    – I’m disappointed with my job, and I feel trapped in my career. I feel this way, but I’m not willing to do anything to change it.
    – I recently shared with an employee who approached me about their alcohol problem. I invited them to attend a meeting with me sometime if they are afraid to go alone. I worry that they are making fun of me behind my back.
    – I keep getting irrational fears and anxiety.

    I feel a bit better after writing this stuff.

    It’s time for chip to go to bed. “this too shall pass”. I’m feeling down, and I’m having some stupid thinking problems…..

    Here’s a big issue for me:
    – I feel like people (at work) don’t respect me. I’m parinoid that they all know I’m an alcoholic, and they see me as being weak.
    chip

    #160461
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I feel you on the relapse, I hang around people who drink and I get anxious when there’s nothing non-alcoholic to drink.. I either go outside and smoke a cigarette or go drive to get something without alcohol.. It usually calms my nerves… I would suggest exercise too… maybe a dog or a cat? I’m a very anxious person at all costs and it bugs me sometimes but then I think about the positive things in my life.. I pray pray pray and pray too… Writing in a journal (almost) every night helps as well..

    Keep your head up chip!! We’re all in this together and will get out together!!

    #160444
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    {{{{{{{{ CHIP }}}}}}}}}

    sweetie, sweetie … BREATHE … ok?

    Man, I don’t know what I’d do without you around. I open the forum .. and see “CHIP” posting someplace or the other – hell, I go straight there, hon!
    I hope I’m as self- aware as you are when *I* grow up.

    First –
    What’s yer sponsor sayin?

    Second –
    I was taught that stress … is in and of itself a symptom.
    It’s the BODY talking.
    It’s a ‘language’ of sensation we’ve learned to interpret over the course of our lives.

    Just like … when the BODY needs fuel .. we feel ‘hunger’.
    A sensation. We ‘feel’ tht feeling … we know we need to eat.
    YOU may not feel what *I* feel … but we each know ‘it’ has ‘hunger’.

    The longer we wait – the louder the body ‘talks’.
    When dehydrated .. the body ‘tells’ us by the sensation of thirst.
    Same thing. As the need grows, the sensation (volume) raises.

    Stress –
    I was taught –
    is the signal that the body isn’t receiving adequate LIFE FORCE.
    Spirit. LIVING-NESS.
    The events of life (job friends relationship, bills, etc.) is using up our living-ness…. could be even burning it up … but the body isn’t being replenished.
    So it tenses up. Tries to slow the output in the only way the body can feel livingness. Energy output. But of several aspects at once. Emotional, Mental, Physical …

    It tries to hold on to what’s left. When it does that – suddenly your timing goes to hell. We get short tempered. OUR point of perception shifts … from INSIDE ourselves, looking out … to OUTSIDE the self… looking for validation from those around us.

    Spirit …. HP … LIVINGNESS … *IS* our ‘center. The Source.

    The ‘treatment’ may be no more than making time to watch a sunset. To ‘stop the world’ long enough to listen to your favorite music, (or speaker tape), pet the dog, go through the photo album ….get a haircut, go to the bookstore…. *shrug*
    Or take a nap long enough to remember what you dreamed.

    Now, you wrote something that REALLY got me –

    Next thing I know I’m missing the “good times”.
    – I’m getting increased drinking thoughts.

    CHIP !!!! hon !!!!
    You’re MISSING That?!?!?!?!!!
    ok – I might have a cure for that one –
    go sit out in yer garage.
    like you wrote about doing when you were drinking.
    just go out and sit out there for a bit.

    How far have you come?

    You … are NOT weak, my man.
    Since when does somebody thinking you’re ‘weak’ …
    make you actually ‘weak’ ?
    The saying goes , ‘As a man thinketh – so is he,.’
    not, ” As everybody else thinketh about the man … so he probably is”…

    Chip – you”re great.
    I completely enjoy your input here.
    Ain’t a damn thing weak about YOUR caliber of honesty.

    And I’m sorry this is so long.
    barb

    #160443
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I don’t belive in relapsed warning.
    You’re either going to drink or you’re not.

    Recvoery is not always easy and I don’t feel spiritual all the time.
    I use the simple tool of “don’t drink no matter what”
    My sponsor drilled that into my head..lol

    I might sink or relaspsed into my old emotion or thoughts,
    but that’s why there’s tools and the steps and the principles
    of the steps to help me get through the hard times.

    In my hearts of heart I have no desire to drink.
    It dosn’t matter what I dream or what kind of stinking thinking i
    might get into sometimes…i’m human
    what people say or do..I have no control over.

    I just follow my heart.
    I’m just taking it oneday at a time like I’ve always had.
    Sometimes i still take it a half of a day at a time
    Sometimes i just live in the moment.
    F-it..sometimes i just trun everything over becuase it’s too much
    for me to handle. i get tired too..so if god wanna step up to the
    plate and take a swing at it. god can have a nut..

    #160447
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Next thing I know I’m missing the “good times”.

    Chip do you really remember ALL the good times?

    I have found just putting stuff down on paper lets me see things for what they really are and not what the committee in my head is trying to convince me they are.

    Get a sheet of paper and write down every good time you had drinking…… ah! Ah! AH! they only count as a good time if when you wake up in the morning and you feel good and the memories of the drinking and the results are all good!

    Next get a tablet of paper and write down all the times you woke up the next day feeling like hell, either wondering what you did when you were drinking or regretting what you did.

    Put them next to each other & then ask your self “Looking at my track record does drinking really lead me to “Good times” or is that just the committee in my head lying to me again?”

    Chip you know darn well that what other people think or don’t think about you is not what matters, how you feel about yourself is what matters, do you want to go back to feeling like you used to feel about yourself?

    Dude I know you well enough from what you share here that you will ride this out, you and your HP need to step up to the head of that committee table and tell those idiots to shutup and stop lying, you know the truth!

    #160436
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @chip 1482322 wrote:

    I feel a bit better after writing this stuff.

    Yeah, I always felt better calling my sponsor or someone in the program when I started feeling weird. Back then there weren’t many PCs so the telephone was more widely used. Try calling someone on a daily basis, even if things are ok and see how you feel.

    #160452
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Chip.

    I know what you mean. I get those times quite often. It’s that rat.

    My suggestion is to read the Chapter in the BB about working with others. The cornerstone of our recovery lies in helping others. “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics….”

    We can get well again regardless of anyone or anything. The only condition is that we trust in our HP and clean house. You are in the hands of your HP. You don’t have anything to worry about any more. Might as well not worry then huh?

    We are all in this together.

    #160448
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Go to meetings and share what you shared here.

    #160458
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Chip –

    I know you are coming up to your 2 year birthday…I just passed mine, and I felt a lot like you do while it was approaching. The stress of life felt like too much, and I felt like if I could just have that “escape” that a drink would bring me, I would feel SO much better. Thank GOD after two years of sobriety, I can recognize that thought for what it is….a glimmer of the insanity that used to rule my life. I had to really focus on the first step….I am POWERLESS over alcohol….and no matter how badly I wanted to, I knew that if I just didn’t take a drink, somehow I would end up on the other side a little stronger and still sober.

    Actually, it was during that time that I discovered this board. I go to meetings with a lot of old timers, and it’s hard for me to find someone there to sponsor, etc. I came to 12 Step National Meetings hoping I could share with newcomers and work with others a bit. And you know what? It helped. It seems that whenever I follow directions, things sort themselves out.

    Thanks for your honesty. Keep reading and keep sharing. We are very happy that you are HERE 🙂

    #160454
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Sounds like you need a holiday to me! Shame you couln’t take a break and chill! Hope you’re feeling stronger soon.

    #160439
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks for the replies.

    I was in a bit of a funk when I started this thread. I’m not going to relapse….today.

    Here’s some thoughts I’ve been having after attending a meeting…

    AA is here for the “still suffering alcoholic”. Often the people who are drinking arn’t suffering. Often the alcoholics who are suffering the most are those of us who are sober.

    I feel like I’m suffering at times in sobriety. I feel like I’m being brought to my knees. I hope I can find some use for times like these. The answer came to me in the meeting I attended this afternoon: Work on my program.

    I told my old university buddy that I’m a recovering alcoholic. I think this was important to me. It shuts the door of getting together and drinking for old times sake….

    I still feel really bad about my work. There is nothing I can do about this right now. I have to let go and let God.

    Thank you for your support. I’m going to hang in here for another 24. I hope everyone else here has a sober 24 hours as well.
    chip

    #160445
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    {{{{ CHIP }}}} glad to hear it!!!

    #160451
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Chip,

    Talk to your sponsor about everything that is bothering you. If you do not have a sponsor, GET ONE!!!

    Your sponsor can help you 4th step issues. I have to constantly use the tools AA has given me when it comes to my job. I seem to use those AA tools more for my job than anything else most of the time.

    Tom

    #160438
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Every time I went out, it was with a sense of optimism and relief. No more fooling around with meetings, no sanctimonious sponsors, and I got to do the thing I loved. Maybe you’re farther than you think. Also, every time I went back out, I’d given up even presenting the appearance of going to AA and working a program.

    #160435
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    (+) (+) (+)

    Mega Hugs and Prayers Chip

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