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    I know I am powerless over alcohol. Well, I “think” I know it. So why do I keep relapsing. Two weeks ago my significant other found out I was secretly drinking. He asked me and I admitted it. He is a recovering addict/alcoholic. I know not a good type of relationship. Meeting in rehab. But he stayed sober and I didn’t. He told me he didn’t think he could move in with me. But he thought about it, and decided to stay with me because he loved me.

    So what do I do on the weekend? Yep, drink while he was here visiting me. Even though I had lied that I wasn’t. He found a receipt in my purse. He got up, left me a note saying he couldn’t be around me if I was in active addiction. At first he said if I could get in thirty days sober he’d live with me. Then last night he told me he had to protect his recovery because being around me made him want to use. So that’s it, I guess.

    I understand his decision. He was using for 30 years before he got clean. He can’t use again ever I respect that. But selfishly I still am completely in love with him and it breaks my heart that I screwed up so badly and threw that relationship out the window.

    Now I’ve called my mum to come and get me and take me home with her for treatment. I must do this. I’ve been drinking alcoholically for 10 years and I know if I don’t stop I will die.

    God, give me strength.

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