I went shopping today for new jeans and a sweatshirt. First time in four years that I’ve bought clothes. Called my brother up and asked if he would go with me. He said sure. I was nervous as h*ll to shop. My dope mind was saying that this was gonna be money wasted. But I shut that voice up with a smile, a real smile! and bought some clothes.
It felt weird buying something for myself. It felt good and it felt, I don’t know, just right. Like it was about time to start caring for myself a little. In the stores, I started to get nervous but I kept on shutting out that voice telling me how much dilaudid i could get with this money. I survived, thanks to my bro. The best part was that I talked to him. I mean really talked. Nothing prophetic, just small talk, but it was worth more than any x amount of dope. I just got this surging rush of joy of doing the right thing, it’s hard to explain. Day 11 and I feel great. And I am learning to enjoy the smiles. Sharing this because it’s like…well… it’s like I got so much joy in me that it’s hard to contain. So I gotta let it out. And this is a good place to do it.