Recently I’ve been watching intervention I watched a bunch today on the internet and saw 3 yesterday on tv. I don’t know it’s like I want to trigger myself, it’s like I’m living vicariously through the show. Like I get the excitment of drugs and stuff. It’s like if I can’t use I might as well “use” through someone else. Am I weird. My therapist said it was bad and I shouldn’t do it. I don’t know if I wanta stay sober I’m only doing it for my parents and because I want to go to India, but deep down I wants use. I don’t know why. I haven’t used crack in over a year, so why do I still want it. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I want drugs so bad but I know that’s not good. I don’t know why I got in this mess. I wish I never used in the first place. I am quitting smoking to so ya that makes it hard. I really want to smoke but I have no smokes. Idk.