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- June 3, 2017 at 12:42 pm#43049AnonymousInactive
I posted a few months ago about my epic showing up at work still intoxicated on a nursing unit…I do everything over the top. Anyhow, after that, I got a handle on things. I stayed sober for a few months, got back on track with all household stuff, did well with work, starting reconnecting with my son..things were going well.
To add to my problems with alcohol, I also have a dx of bipolar. I was doing a a lot of nights at work, and a couple of months ago BOOM! outright mania out of nowhere’s, I am usually on top of things and can sense when it’s happening. I just had the realization a couple of days ago that’s what happened..I started binge drinking a couple of nights a week again, spent all my money, ran around with guys, left my son with sitters to be out running around, no focus at work, the whole nine yards. I was so commited to staying to being sober, and I threw it all out the window. I know alcohol makes it worse when I’m being rational, but I wasn’t. end of story.
I did take a week and half off work last month. I had a moment of clarity as to what was going on, and told work I couldn’t come in. But the drinking and the mania were escalating, and I was able to convince myself that everything was under control, and wooohoo! vacation.
Anyhow, I just had my days off in my rotation, and after spending two days in bed being honest with myself and realizing that I am not well mentally, and the drinking ( once again ) has to stop, I’m trying to figure out what triggered this time around.
I really truly believe that the overnights have something to do with it. When I’m working and sleeping normal hours, I can think things through so much more clearly.
I am scheduled to go in for three nights this weekend, 12 hour shifts, and I know that doing that, I will get maybe a few hours of sleep this weekend. Right now, I feel somewhat in control, am ready to deal with the drinking and my mental health full on. But I also know that come Monday morning, I could be in a worse state and just continue on because it has happened and has been gradually increasing over the past couple of months.
Not to mention the anxiety and racing thoughts that make me realize that I won’t be any good to the patients or my coworker this weekend anyhow.
I know that if I call in, there are going to be issues, they will be mad, due to attendance issues.
But at this point, my sobriety and mental health mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to go down any further.
I don’t know what I’m looking for, I’ve had my hand on the phone for the past hour trying to call in sick. I am sick. Working overnights is making me sicker. I don’t want to ruin my life. I would rather get let go for attendance issues than making a mistake because I was too hungover or not mentally stable enought to be at work.
Has anyone gotten to a point where they basically had to take time off work and just deal with that afterwards in order to get better?
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