- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.
- December 7, 2015 at 12:02 am#38070AnonymousInactive
Well, I have come out of the closet having been reading here every day but have had a hard time really accepting that I am an alcoholic because on a few occasions I have been able to tightly control drinking but only to find myself suddenly overdrinking again with all my awareness gone.
Went to a friend”s pool party on Saturday and told myself I would do a experiment again, with controlling it but this disease be so cunning it was only excuse to drink again. Ended up having 2 bottles of vino which is lot for me as I am a cheap drunk and it now effects me very quickly.
Now it is day 2 AGAIN! I have had gastric symptoms +++ shaky, anxiety,depression, OCD now bouts of sweating and feel cant go out of the house as too ill . Told work that wanted extra shifts as going to Paris for xmas with daughter but too sick to do any, feel such a hypocrite and they probarly think I am unreliable because all the sick days I have had off this year which have been because of hangeovers. I am so ashamed, I am so stupid.
What I have learnt trying and FAILING to stay sober is that to stay sober this alcoholic of sorts cannot-
go anywhere where alcohol is been served as have NO defence
cannot mix with drinkers
need to minimise all stress in my life otherwise will use it as excuse to drink!
I really should be locked away at the moment to stay off it but have booked and paid for nearly all packed to go OS.
Has anyone gone to AA meeting in Paris or Rome I am TERRIFIED of drinking on plane.
Am also terified of not being able to work and being unable to support self and daughter
Sorry about this monotonous, self centred essay but am so sick of myself will go back to AA and look out for female sponser.
Thankyou for reading anyone who got this far!
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