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    So I’ve been doing pretty good for 18 months now but there have admittedly been some relapses. None too major, a few here, a six pack there. Some might even call it normal but I know it is not. It is far from normal when I let my guard down and decide to have “a few”. The mental obsession immediately comes back and before long I am having two or three day stints of 6 or more. I know if I continue I will be back to the 12 to 18 I was doing daily.

    The most telling part of how fragile I have become though is the morning after. I used to bounce right back, feel almost nothing, plow through a busy day and do it all over again. That is no longer the case. Several times now even after only a six pack I have awakened to a headache that brings on nausea. A few times I have vomited and this never happened to me before. I got snowed in during the winter and was stuck for a night after a business road trip. Bored and with a store close by I downed 9 heavy beers. I had to stop on the interstate and hurl on the shoulder while people whizzed by me.

    Most recently was last week. I am third in line at my job and the two top people had out of town engagements so I was running the place. I had to make a few quick trips to the bathroom luckily going unnoticed but I did have to hold one to make it there. Despite this major risk to my own security I still continued down the path once again. The last few days I had a kidney stone, I don’t know if the drinking caused it but it left me sore and I can’t be sure but it still aches and drinking just might be the reason.

    Even so, I remain proud of how far I have come. My relapses could have been worse and I am sober again now with a new outlook on what it is going to take. My body is telling me loud and clear that I can go no further or risk life changing problems.

    Tomorrow starts another sober day, one day at a time.

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