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    I hate drinking. I don’t enjoy it. It takes up a lot of my day thinking about it, I get very little sleep due to it, and I lie to my family by hiding it. I want out and have wanted out for years.

    I know I can’t do this alone. My main problem is that by getting the help I need I”ll have to let my wife and family know the extent of my problem. My wife is extremely clever and I don’t for a second think she hasn’t noticed my behaviour. That being said, I’ve known about my alcoholism for 3+ years and drinking has never been an issue with us. When I’ve tried to cut back I find myself lying to friends and family about that as well. The only time I ever have to explain myself is when I decline drinks in social situations.

    I don’t say the above with any illusions that drinking hasn’t effected my relationships. I fully acknowledge I am not the same person I was. I think about drinking, I think about how to keep on drinking, and I think about hiding my drinking. There is no way you can life with someone and have those actions go unoticed.

    My problem is: here I am, still drinking and hating it. I need help, but I’m afraid of what seeking it will do. I am not pretending that waiting till my actions out me is going to be a better alternative, I know full well that is not the desirable path. I just hate that I’ve gotten myself into a corner where theres no easy choice.

    I want help. Im afraid to seek it :c020:

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