- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 23, 2013 at 2:36 pm#31055AnonymousInactive
Okay, so I messed up yesterday and got ****-faced and high off my DOC – cocaine – which I hadn’t touched in about three years. Like I wrote in my crazy rant in the newbie area I’ve been getting drunk at parties and stuff and smoked weed on a regular basis through these three years but I have otherwise stayed away from all that other **** that messed me up before. But a lot of stuff’s been happening and I guess, I just couldn’t – or wouldn’t – resist yesterday and went and bought my ****. So I did half of it and ended up flushing the rest down the toilet (which I sooo regret right now – stupid).
But the thing is I kinda don’t know where to go from here or what to do. I really don’t feel like telling my girlfriend or my friends or my aunt cause I know they’ll all look at me like I’m a big ******* failure and that’s the kinda stuff that makes me want to get high in the first place. And I kinda feel like maybe this isn’t such a big deal after all. But I was trying earlier to post something in here, I read it through before I was gonna post it and I realized that I sounded like I was in mad denial about my problem and maybe I am. Because like I said earlier I may have been staying away from the heavy stuff but I’ve still been getting drunk “at social situations/parties” – which to be honest is like 4-5-6 times a week and I have been smoking weed – which is like pretty much every day as well. But it just doesn’t feel like it’s been a problem for me. I’ve still been going to classes and taking care of work and all of that and I haven’t felt as messed up as I did before. So I’m thinking to myself, you know, “hey, I slipped up for real once – yesterday – and had a few bumps but so what, you know, I flushed the rest of it and sure, I’m thinking about it right now but I’m not doing it”. So on the one hand I’m thinking going to rehab or treatment or whatever would be a little drastic based on one slip-up but what about the other stuff? Am I just completely oblivious to the fact that maybe I’ve been slipping up for the past three years?
I just don’t know. I really feel like I would rather ******* die before I go back to rehab, that stuff was messed up. But at the same time…I just don’t know.
What would y’all do in this situation?
MackSeptember 23, 2013 at 3:38 pm#162319AnonymousInactive
What would I do? I’d pick up and move on. One thing I found is that once I got P.O.ed about my drug use, I couldn’t do it again and enjoy it. It didn’t give the thrill or release I was so fond of.
Take this experience and remember it well. Something in you made you flush the rest. So, I’d say you have moved off the mark of getting satisfaction from it.
Perhaps it’s time to move on to full sobriety and all the commitment and work that entails. My life is much better now. I hope the same for you.September 23, 2013 at 4:48 pm#162318AnonymousInactive
A life free from all drugs, in my case especially alcohol although that was just my drug of no choice not the only one I ever abused, has a lot to recommend it that I could not see without actually living it. I believe that much of the happiness and peace that I sought through various chemicals was really being pushed away by those same chemicals.
When I got to rehab, there was definitely something messed up but it wasn’t rehab. Normal is pretty big circle, in my opinion, but before I got clean I couldn’t even see the edge of it.
Constant drug use, with all it entails, is certainly one way to go through life. I just don’t think it’s the best way, or even a desirable way, anymore. So if I was in your situation, I guess I’d do what I did when I was in your situation, find a way to get clean and a way to stay clean. I did it with rehab and the help of countless other people who had been in my situation and said that they had a way out.
The choice is always ours and time is all we have. I do hope you find a way.September 24, 2013 at 2:45 am#162320AnonymousInactive
I relapsed on my DOC a few days ago. i only told a couple of people. of course they were members here on 12 Step National Meetings. I didn’t want people to make a bigger deal than what it was. i just needed someone to say ok you did it now get over it and get on with it. They said that i am getting on with my recovery. I knew that I would fall down . I hoped that there would be someone there to pick me up and there was…thank you J…you know who you are. I hope there won’t be a next time…All i can do is…..take it ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!! Viki
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